You know there are times in our lives when we meet someone new, and sometimes, that results in a new version of ourselves. I'd like to think we get better with time or to put it in technical terms, we are the same great computing system with the occasional iOS upgrade. Each new person we meet allows us to upgrade ourselves, either intellectually, emotionally, physically, we all exchange parts of ourselves in every interaction that if we are open minded, allows us to become a better version of ourselves. I'd like to think that because of bat shit crazy Marlie*, I became a better version of myself.
A quick recap: great guy, lots of the "feels", he cheated and lied, I caught him, he showed his violent side, I turned him in, I am deficient in providing copious amounts of cookies to the neighbor kids in exchange for keeping an eye on my house and safety.
Needless to say, after he was caught, I took this opportunity to break from dating and focus on enjoying the holidays. My revere was interrupted several weeks later when I realized a hat that he had borrowed of mine, holding only sentimental value, was still in his possession. I honestly weighed the pro's and con's of reaching out but the pro's of getting it back outweighed everything else beyond reproach. Damnit! I braced myself for the fall out and requested that he either meet me in public to return the hat or mail it to me, and I would even supply a return envelope for him if he wanted. Several weeks of this promise to return my hat continued where I grew tiresome and almost gave up until he insisted he come by and drop it off in person--he wanted to "talk". I emphatically declined the invitation, sticking to my guns that it be mailed or I would meet him out in public, he was not welcome at my home. Lets be honest, at this point it was the principle of the hat return, not so much anything else. The idea that my ex had something with my DNA on it roaming around on the loose gave me the heebee-geebee's (official term). Then one night, it all came to end...
After coming home late from campus January 22, 2015, sitting in my dark driveway as if it belonged there, was a strange vehicle. Slowing down I see someone standing outside the vehicle and realized it was Marlie. Like a dick, he parked crooked so I was forced to park on the street. Two can play at this game, right, (probably better for a quick getaway if needed). He took one look at my surprise as well obvious stand-offish body language that he was expecting a different greeting that what he got. His face and demeanor clearly deflated instantly. I guess he thought this would be easy and all past indiscretions of his would be forgiven. I don't think I've felt as awkward or apprehensive as I have before or since that night as he approached me, asking for a hug hello, my response using my best disappointed mom look and flat voice I could muster: "absolutely not". Soul crushed in 2.4 seconds flat! I am not proud of myself but know that I am a sucker for giving others 2nd, 3rd...even 4th chances and I knew it would be unhealthy all around if I didn't stay strong and play my cards carefully.
He handed me my hat and then asked if we could talk. I evaluated the situation, he was put in his place and knew I was pissed and my demeanor was not going to change from protection mode. I was feeling scrappy and if it came down to it, I had excellent health care and all of my affairs in order incase I got murdered. I agreed to the chat and maintained a healthy 8-10 foot distance between the two of us the rest of the evening. Marlie sat on my couch, apologizing profusely for his erratic behavior, for disrespecting me the way he did, cheating and lying. For the continued verbal attacks and for supporting him the last few weeks (side comment: say what, that wasn't me btw!) He apologized for using me and abusing the trust I had put in him, blaming a recurring illness that I never saw evidence of as the root cause. The medications he was put on was what was causing his behavior and mood swings. Medication made him cheat? Hm....then he dropped a bombshell on me that I wasn't expecting, he started to cry. He looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry, I love you Sarah, I want to marry you! I want to have kids with you and I know I probably blew my chance of having a happy life with you but I hope you can forgive me and give me another chance, I love you!"
Wait..what? Loved me!? Ok gentlemen, feel free to judge me and call me a bitch if you'd like for being so callous but I was in defense mode, he just blamed medication as the reason for his infidelity, how could I think he was telling the truth at all? Thank goodness I come from strong Wallace Clan genes because it made it that much easier to handle the next few minutes, which could have gone one of two ways: 1. involving a body bag and collection of finger prints and blood samples, 2. healthy closure and changing of the locks once again. I thanked him for sharing this vulnerable moment with me, I politely declined his offer of marriage and indicated that I didn't feel I was equipped with the skill set he might need to get healthy--physically and emotionally. My trust in him was too far damaged to be repaired but that I'm sure he will find someone that can support him in a way I can't offer him.
Just as he realizes that this is it, he begins to plead with me, my inner sass starts to roll her eyes mentally, wondering how I got myself into this mess, and then my phone rings. Thank the gods! I had a conference call with California that evening and the wonderful voice on the other end of the phone was beyond my saving grace. Within 10 minutes I was able to escort Marlie out and get back on the phone to share my gratitude to my wonderful sister! She said she could tell from my voice something was up and realized we both needed some sisterly support that evening, lesson learned, Greek life is not just 4 years, its for life! Seriously! (in Dude terms: Bros for life!)
What else to take away from this lesson learned? There still is no shame in letting your heart take over and be vulnerable with someone who deserves that trust from you. Theres also no shame in protecting yourself when that trust is violated and you need to "act like a bitch" even if its not in your character. Women by stereotype want to nurture, protect and support those that are hurting or in need, to fight that urge for me, was a tough lesson that landed me in a situation that could have ended poorly. Casualties of that battle were my safety, my trust, my heart but the soliders that rose to the occasion to fight for me were my brains, my commonsense and the realization that sometimes, women are just as capable of being horrible as the men folk. Yes, we by nature want to be the mama bird, caring for and supporting the weak and ailing back to health but there is a clear difference between supportive partner v. professional support. Mental health issues are a serious and sensitive area and knowing that there is a limit for each of us when it comes to going into battle with weaponry not appropriate for the occasion.
That night in January, I knew that giving him another chance was only enabling a bigger issue and was not what was Marlie's best chance. He needed to realize this lesson at his own speed. It wasn't an easy road to journey, just writing about it wears me out but dammit if it doesn't feel good to pass along this message of hope: its ok to be strong, its ok to be vulnerable, its ok to ask for support and its ok to ask for your hat back only if you're confident it won't end in fingerprint collection and a body bag. The last message I got from him, a text later that night:
"Again-I am amazed with the person you are. Sarah--I am terribly sorry this is how it has come about but grateful that you are YOU and its allowing myself to figure out who I am! Its a good feeling I have-knowing that really for the first time in my life I know in my heart that--YOU Sarah know me! Maybe it was just a tiny crack in a window but you know me! I like that feeling! I enjoyed being vulnerable for the first time EVER! I hope I am not burdening you--this isn't your project and u can say get lost if you want but I want you to realize just how I feel--especially my feelings for you!"
Be good to one another, bat shit crazy or not, we all share the same sandbox and gotta learn to play along nicely with one another. Until next time campers!
~ Optimistically, Yours
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Friday, December 11, 2015
Ticket for Two, Never say Never: Part I
Hello campers! Its been awhile and by that I mean, life happened, hard....and writing took such a far backseat, it was stuck in traffic 8 miles back! Apologies, I will be making up for it in this two part series. Enjoy and if not, feel free to judge me, I don't mind ;)
Fall of 2014 was a turning point in my dating adventure to say the least. I'd been on a string of ridiculous first dates never amounting to a second and I'd gotten to the point of saying to myself "You are gorgeous, intelligent, savvy and blessed but you SUCK at finding your own true love, time to call in the reinforcements" whereas I replied back to myself "Well if I suck so bad, who has better judgment than me?" (insert smartass eyebrow raised in response) "You know exactly who." To be honest, it was a pretty great chat I had with myself, I couldn't argue with this logic and since I am awesome, I keep just as awesome and intelligent people in my life. With a quick text, I informed my dear friend Nicole that she was responsible for finding me my true love. Mission accepted!
With Nicole on the case, that triggered me to go onto the dating website I was currently fishing for a man on and remove my profile. Logging in, I discover that there is a message from a guy I'd talked to over a year prior. We had hit it off nicely but attempts at a first date always fell through so I gave up and moved on. Bright big smile, sparkle in his eye, even had a sense of humor that matched mine perfectly, it was almost fate that the day I am about to delete my account, that Marlie* pops back in again. Within 24 hours we've got our first date set and I'm openly excited about finally meeting him! The day before our date, in complete honesty, I tell him about this blog. I send him the link and tell him if after reading it he doesn't want to see me the next night, I'll completely understand, no harm done. 20 minutes later I get a text back "Oh my god! I feel like I have to apologize on behalf of every man out there. I am so sorry you've been through all of that! I promise I will never EVER treat you like that. I don't know what it is but I just have a feeling we are going to have a great time tomorrow night and I'm even more excited than I was before to see you!" (verbatim taken from my text archives)
For reals? Either I just hit the jackpot with Marlie or I'm dreaming...so don't wake me up just incase!
A dive bar called Monkey Pants is where we meet just days later and thank the stars he looks even better in person than in his photos! Its like Nicole was channeling her great mojo right from the start! We instantly connect, discover there are quite a few similarities in our outlook on life and I will admit, sitting on a questionable sofa in that looked like it was stolen from my grandmother's basement, we made out like teenagers--WOW it was fantastic!
The next few weeks were like a dream, we didn't fight or disagree, conversation was never lacking and things just felt like they were falling into step with the two of us. He held my hand, cuddled on the couch, I actually cooked for him (which is a sign I like a man if I cook for them fyi). So much honesty and open communication that it wasn't scary that he started referring to me as his girlfriend and told me he deleted his profile by week 2. He had a drawer by week 3.
You're probably thinking whoa, this chick is crazy, thats moving too fast! Agreed, it did seem like it was moving fast and we even discussed that, and it didn't feel wrong so I decided for once to follow my heart and fate rather than my brain and common sense, regardless of the consequences. I mean, who needs brains in a relationship right? It wasn't a whimsical decision, inviting him home to Seattle and meet the family for Thanksgiving. I told him theres no take backs, he will be expected to answer lots of questions from my family and it probably will be awkward but he said he was all in, no hesitations. Turned in my points and got him a ticket!
A week later, I am back on the dating site where we'd met, in the process of writing an updated entry for the blog. He knew I had saved conversations etc that I referred to for authenticity and that I kept the account but was hidden. Apparently, Marlie lied and had actually kept his profile because I got a notice that he was online and not just for a bit but was actually on there for awhile. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but once I know I'm being lied to, the heart takes a hike and the brain takes over. I hadn't heard from him that day and it was odd to go long without at least a text by lunchtime so I called him, went straight to voicemail so I hung up and sent a him a text "Hey handsome! Want to grab dinner tonight?" No response. As time slipped on I sent him a message on the site and basically told him he was caught red handed. He didn't respond to that message but began sending me text message after text message of the most ridiculous subject matter, throwing in profanity here and there and to be as gracious as possible, lets just say our relationship and my personal safety to be around him went from "safe as a kitten" to "I need to move and change my name". No clue what triggered his behavior change, infact the night before we both changed our social media status to "in a relationship" and he told me he was excited to be official, with over 109 likes (if that mattered?).
By the end of that day, I'd done my homework, the one time I don't do a background check on a guy (heart over brains) is the one time I should have. He had a rap sheet that included several traffic violations, two restraining orders (one from the girl he'd met on the same website just before me!) and disturbing the peace. His story of where he'd lived v. what the check gave me didn't match up and the more I dug up the more the concern for my safety emerged, this guy was violent! This may be the only time I'll ever admit that having a dating profile was actually a good thing because if I hadn't caught him, who knows how much longer I'd been with him before he did anything worse than just cheat?
Of course I was heartbroken as well, I'd opened up to him, exposed myself and allowed him to see me vulnerable. I even allowed him to take care of me when I had a vertigo episode of which I am super weird about being around others when I have one. I called my father and told him that Marlie wasn't coming home with me, we were no longer dating and I didn't want to talk about it, let the rest of the family know.
On the cusp of breaking up with anyone and it looks like its going to be messy, you need to be smart. Anticipate that if someone is talking irrationally to you, their actions will match. I didn't reach out to him after that day I caught him. I reported him to the dating website indicating what had happened and that the girl he dated before me had to take legal action against him because she feared for her safety. Anyone he meets after me, if allowed to keep his profile, legally the website is fostering a platform for his next victim. He was gone within 24 hours. I reached out to the ex girlfriend and explained the situation to her and let her know if there was anything I should be concerned about or aware of. I updated and changed all the locks on my security system at home, called customer service and let them know of the situation just incase and also reached out to my neighbors. The kids next door are awesome and kept a close eye on my house, better than any neighborhood watch, I should really have baked them more cookies in hindsight to repay them for that built-in security come to think of it. If they ever saw Marlie's car to let their mom know so she could check on me just incase.
The good thing was, I was proactive and even though I allowed my heart to take the front seat of this relationship, I have no regrets that it didn't work out. I had a ticket for adventure where possibility and trust to let someone into my heart wasn't scary and the usual cynical thoughts of "this isn't going to work out" weren't present until they needed to be. I got out of my own way and it paid off, well for awhile at least. I got to see what all of my wonderful friends who are in healthy relationships feel and I gotta tell ya, felt pretty great! I see the appeal and wished that I'd buckled down more when I was in college to get more serious when I met someone new, even if he was just someone I'd met that night for a date dash or at a fraternity party.
Lesson learned, even though he promised me he never treat me poorly, never say never--dishonesty and lying leads to disaster every time. The heart IS allowed to take the drivers seat, as long as you've got a good security system at home for back up just incase. Stay tuned for part II!
~ Optimistically Yours, :)
*Marlie's name has been changed to protect his identity even though he doesn't technically deserve my mercy and grace to do so.
Fall of 2014 was a turning point in my dating adventure to say the least. I'd been on a string of ridiculous first dates never amounting to a second and I'd gotten to the point of saying to myself "You are gorgeous, intelligent, savvy and blessed but you SUCK at finding your own true love, time to call in the reinforcements" whereas I replied back to myself "Well if I suck so bad, who has better judgment than me?" (insert smartass eyebrow raised in response) "You know exactly who." To be honest, it was a pretty great chat I had with myself, I couldn't argue with this logic and since I am awesome, I keep just as awesome and intelligent people in my life. With a quick text, I informed my dear friend Nicole that she was responsible for finding me my true love. Mission accepted!
With Nicole on the case, that triggered me to go onto the dating website I was currently fishing for a man on and remove my profile. Logging in, I discover that there is a message from a guy I'd talked to over a year prior. We had hit it off nicely but attempts at a first date always fell through so I gave up and moved on. Bright big smile, sparkle in his eye, even had a sense of humor that matched mine perfectly, it was almost fate that the day I am about to delete my account, that Marlie* pops back in again. Within 24 hours we've got our first date set and I'm openly excited about finally meeting him! The day before our date, in complete honesty, I tell him about this blog. I send him the link and tell him if after reading it he doesn't want to see me the next night, I'll completely understand, no harm done. 20 minutes later I get a text back "Oh my god! I feel like I have to apologize on behalf of every man out there. I am so sorry you've been through all of that! I promise I will never EVER treat you like that. I don't know what it is but I just have a feeling we are going to have a great time tomorrow night and I'm even more excited than I was before to see you!" (verbatim taken from my text archives)
For reals? Either I just hit the jackpot with Marlie or I'm dreaming...so don't wake me up just incase!
A dive bar called Monkey Pants is where we meet just days later and thank the stars he looks even better in person than in his photos! Its like Nicole was channeling her great mojo right from the start! We instantly connect, discover there are quite a few similarities in our outlook on life and I will admit, sitting on a questionable sofa in that looked like it was stolen from my grandmother's basement, we made out like teenagers--WOW it was fantastic!
The next few weeks were like a dream, we didn't fight or disagree, conversation was never lacking and things just felt like they were falling into step with the two of us. He held my hand, cuddled on the couch, I actually cooked for him (which is a sign I like a man if I cook for them fyi). So much honesty and open communication that it wasn't scary that he started referring to me as his girlfriend and told me he deleted his profile by week 2. He had a drawer by week 3.
You're probably thinking whoa, this chick is crazy, thats moving too fast! Agreed, it did seem like it was moving fast and we even discussed that, and it didn't feel wrong so I decided for once to follow my heart and fate rather than my brain and common sense, regardless of the consequences. I mean, who needs brains in a relationship right? It wasn't a whimsical decision, inviting him home to Seattle and meet the family for Thanksgiving. I told him theres no take backs, he will be expected to answer lots of questions from my family and it probably will be awkward but he said he was all in, no hesitations. Turned in my points and got him a ticket!
A week later, I am back on the dating site where we'd met, in the process of writing an updated entry for the blog. He knew I had saved conversations etc that I referred to for authenticity and that I kept the account but was hidden. Apparently, Marlie lied and had actually kept his profile because I got a notice that he was online and not just for a bit but was actually on there for awhile. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but once I know I'm being lied to, the heart takes a hike and the brain takes over. I hadn't heard from him that day and it was odd to go long without at least a text by lunchtime so I called him, went straight to voicemail so I hung up and sent a him a text "Hey handsome! Want to grab dinner tonight?" No response. As time slipped on I sent him a message on the site and basically told him he was caught red handed. He didn't respond to that message but began sending me text message after text message of the most ridiculous subject matter, throwing in profanity here and there and to be as gracious as possible, lets just say our relationship and my personal safety to be around him went from "safe as a kitten" to "I need to move and change my name". No clue what triggered his behavior change, infact the night before we both changed our social media status to "in a relationship" and he told me he was excited to be official, with over 109 likes (if that mattered?).
By the end of that day, I'd done my homework, the one time I don't do a background check on a guy (heart over brains) is the one time I should have. He had a rap sheet that included several traffic violations, two restraining orders (one from the girl he'd met on the same website just before me!) and disturbing the peace. His story of where he'd lived v. what the check gave me didn't match up and the more I dug up the more the concern for my safety emerged, this guy was violent! This may be the only time I'll ever admit that having a dating profile was actually a good thing because if I hadn't caught him, who knows how much longer I'd been with him before he did anything worse than just cheat?
Of course I was heartbroken as well, I'd opened up to him, exposed myself and allowed him to see me vulnerable. I even allowed him to take care of me when I had a vertigo episode of which I am super weird about being around others when I have one. I called my father and told him that Marlie wasn't coming home with me, we were no longer dating and I didn't want to talk about it, let the rest of the family know.
On the cusp of breaking up with anyone and it looks like its going to be messy, you need to be smart. Anticipate that if someone is talking irrationally to you, their actions will match. I didn't reach out to him after that day I caught him. I reported him to the dating website indicating what had happened and that the girl he dated before me had to take legal action against him because she feared for her safety. Anyone he meets after me, if allowed to keep his profile, legally the website is fostering a platform for his next victim. He was gone within 24 hours. I reached out to the ex girlfriend and explained the situation to her and let her know if there was anything I should be concerned about or aware of. I updated and changed all the locks on my security system at home, called customer service and let them know of the situation just incase and also reached out to my neighbors. The kids next door are awesome and kept a close eye on my house, better than any neighborhood watch, I should really have baked them more cookies in hindsight to repay them for that built-in security come to think of it. If they ever saw Marlie's car to let their mom know so she could check on me just incase.
The good thing was, I was proactive and even though I allowed my heart to take the front seat of this relationship, I have no regrets that it didn't work out. I had a ticket for adventure where possibility and trust to let someone into my heart wasn't scary and the usual cynical thoughts of "this isn't going to work out" weren't present until they needed to be. I got out of my own way and it paid off, well for awhile at least. I got to see what all of my wonderful friends who are in healthy relationships feel and I gotta tell ya, felt pretty great! I see the appeal and wished that I'd buckled down more when I was in college to get more serious when I met someone new, even if he was just someone I'd met that night for a date dash or at a fraternity party.
Lesson learned, even though he promised me he never treat me poorly, never say never--dishonesty and lying leads to disaster every time. The heart IS allowed to take the drivers seat, as long as you've got a good security system at home for back up just incase. Stay tuned for part II!
~ Optimistically Yours, :)
*Marlie's name has been changed to protect his identity even though he doesn't technically deserve my mercy and grace to do so.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
The Dirty Dozen of Winter's Bad Habits
Winter is the time of year where we start to bundle up in sweaters and scarves, break out the wool socks and the idea of cozying up under a warm blanket sounds better than sliced bread. This is also the time of year where we recognize how thankful we are for the gifts that life has brought into our lives. Honestly, this should be a daily thing year round but we are human, we have our good and bad habits and they crop up on us when we least expect them to.
For me, winter is where some of my own bad habits crop up like allowing my sweet tooth to dictate my palate, putting off my workout just one more day, and the ex's start creeping out of the wood work just to say "hi". Whether it was via text, email or social media, these ex's, aka "bad habits" emerged slowly then came on like gang busters starting around mid-October. Mind you, each of these individuals are an "ex" for a reason and all have been made clear that I'm the girl looking for the lifetime commitment, not a good-time-girl at their beck and call. I wish I was exaggerating when I say in the span of 14 days, TWELVE bad habits resurfaced, but then I'd be lying. Twelve. Twelve! I shake my head just thinking about it, how is it possible that 12, lets call them "life lessons" decide that hey, I should look that girl up, I wonder if she's still single?
Pompous of me to assume this? Well yes, after the first one or two "Hey sexy, how r u?" messages I'd even be skeptical. After two weeks and twelve different "bad habits" resurfacing with their own version of the same message, some I hadn't heard from for months, some after years of no word, I'd say there was a bigger picture going on here. What could it possibly be, what was triggering this activity all at the same time? The picture was blurry to me, but I knew there had to be a reason like a magnetic shift in the poles or global warming? With the first few messages from these men, I moved through a series of thoughts, one of hope that one of my ex's might want to honestly rekindle our relationship to skepticism of why now, whats causing all this attention? A few cozy winter days of this 14 day journey soon revealed their true intentions as bad habits eventually do. Various levels of loneliness, life crisis, offers of sex without strings attached and yes, even one offer to father a child with me because that's been on his bucket list--to as he put it "knock up a red head". Oh bad habits, how absolutely poetic you can be, and so classy too!
Listening to a local jewelry store commercial one afternoon, the reason to "the why" hit me like a ton of bricks! Its winter, its time to spend the holidays with the one you love, cozy in front of a fire with a bottle of wine and some Marvin Gaye...or drinks with friends and family, those you hold dear to celebrate the year's accomplishments and give a kiss to someone special at midnight New Years Eve. But, if you're single, you feel your singleness amplified by 1000 and even more so when your relatives set you up on blind dates with a friend they know you'll "just absolutely love!" There is no cure for singleness, its not a disease or cancer, its just a status like a political view or gender so when it occurred to me that these 12 lonely, misguided hearts that I was viewing as bad habits, well, they were just feeling that amplification of being single. How absolutely pompous of me to look upon them with pity when I had that realization. Commonsense told me I was onto something, that blurred bigger picture was coming into focus and so the ginger in me decided to do some experimentation to see if my theory was correct. Of the bad habits that I hadn't already dropped from the 12, (because lets be honest, kicking a bad habit is a healthy thing to do), two were left that I knew would be absolutely honest if I called their bluff to go out again.
Scott*, who turned out had gotten married since we'd last talked, was in the process of a divorce, with a young child in the mix. When posed with the proposition of several dates and a reminder that I was looking for a substantial man of character to welcome into my life for a relationship, he admitted that he wasn't looking for anything long term, just someone fun to be with and keep the bed sheets warm. Tim* admitted that he'd moved to California and now that he was back, was tired of the bar scene and didn't have time to date but remembered what a great time he and I had. Further investigation yielded that although Tim remembered that I was looking for a relationship, he had hoped that I had changed my mind and wouldn't mind going out with him anyways? Oh and yes, he did recall having a great time dating me the whole 2 dates we went out on, he couldn't remember what I looked like and could I send him a photo to refresh his memory? Again, poetic and classy.
So what is the take away from all this? First of all, don't ever underestimate the power of loneliness, it will be the reason why your ex's hang onto your phone or email address years after you've moved on from them. They will try to creep back into your life, do not let them! They are ex's for a reason and if you need a reminder, write down those reasons somewhere handy so when they slither back in with smooth talk, you'll remember why and drop them faster than 3rd period French class! Secondly, its wonderful to know that when I'm going out with bad habits, and yes this will sound extremely shallow but I'll admit flattering, to know they remember the good times they had with me. This just further boosts my ego that I may be shallow, but super awesome lol (totally kidding, sort of). Thirdly, the holidays will usually stir up those old feelings of lust and lust can sometimes be disguised as love and desire, do not mix the two up! Lust takes its directives from below the belt, love takes its directives from above the belt. You need to choose who you spend your time with, a habit that is worth your time or a bad habit that hits below the belt? Last, its the holidays, if you have a single friend, do them a favor, just invite them over for a drink or a home cooked meal. Let them tell you about the woes of being single so they can get it off their chest and then reassure them not that they will find someone one day but that they are so much better off without their bad habits in their life. Sometimes, that is the best gift to be thankful for all year long if it means you're happy, and you don't have bad habits hanging around, making you miserable. You know that kiss on New Years Eve won't be as sweet when you touch the lips of a bad habit!
My wish for each of you, stay happy, stay healthy and stay safe! May 2015 be as incredible for you as all the wonderful gifts life can bring and may you find a slice of joy to carve out for your very own as you know, single or taken, you deserve all that life has to offer! Cheers to a Happy New Year! Until next time....
Optimistically Yours, a Hopeful Girl
PS: Please be safe this holiday! You can't read the next installment if you're laying in a ditch somewhere and trust me, its a good one! Some great reminders for New Years Eve:
For me, winter is where some of my own bad habits crop up like allowing my sweet tooth to dictate my palate, putting off my workout just one more day, and the ex's start creeping out of the wood work just to say "hi". Whether it was via text, email or social media, these ex's, aka "bad habits" emerged slowly then came on like gang busters starting around mid-October. Mind you, each of these individuals are an "ex" for a reason and all have been made clear that I'm the girl looking for the lifetime commitment, not a good-time-girl at their beck and call. I wish I was exaggerating when I say in the span of 14 days, TWELVE bad habits resurfaced, but then I'd be lying. Twelve. Twelve! I shake my head just thinking about it, how is it possible that 12, lets call them "life lessons" decide that hey, I should look that girl up, I wonder if she's still single?
Pompous of me to assume this? Well yes, after the first one or two "Hey sexy, how r u?" messages I'd even be skeptical. After two weeks and twelve different "bad habits" resurfacing with their own version of the same message, some I hadn't heard from for months, some after years of no word, I'd say there was a bigger picture going on here. What could it possibly be, what was triggering this activity all at the same time? The picture was blurry to me, but I knew there had to be a reason like a magnetic shift in the poles or global warming? With the first few messages from these men, I moved through a series of thoughts, one of hope that one of my ex's might want to honestly rekindle our relationship to skepticism of why now, whats causing all this attention? A few cozy winter days of this 14 day journey soon revealed their true intentions as bad habits eventually do. Various levels of loneliness, life crisis, offers of sex without strings attached and yes, even one offer to father a child with me because that's been on his bucket list--to as he put it "knock up a red head". Oh bad habits, how absolutely poetic you can be, and so classy too!
Listening to a local jewelry store commercial one afternoon, the reason to "the why" hit me like a ton of bricks! Its winter, its time to spend the holidays with the one you love, cozy in front of a fire with a bottle of wine and some Marvin Gaye...or drinks with friends and family, those you hold dear to celebrate the year's accomplishments and give a kiss to someone special at midnight New Years Eve. But, if you're single, you feel your singleness amplified by 1000 and even more so when your relatives set you up on blind dates with a friend they know you'll "just absolutely love!" There is no cure for singleness, its not a disease or cancer, its just a status like a political view or gender so when it occurred to me that these 12 lonely, misguided hearts that I was viewing as bad habits, well, they were just feeling that amplification of being single. How absolutely pompous of me to look upon them with pity when I had that realization. Commonsense told me I was onto something, that blurred bigger picture was coming into focus and so the ginger in me decided to do some experimentation to see if my theory was correct. Of the bad habits that I hadn't already dropped from the 12, (because lets be honest, kicking a bad habit is a healthy thing to do), two were left that I knew would be absolutely honest if I called their bluff to go out again.
Scott*, who turned out had gotten married since we'd last talked, was in the process of a divorce, with a young child in the mix. When posed with the proposition of several dates and a reminder that I was looking for a substantial man of character to welcome into my life for a relationship, he admitted that he wasn't looking for anything long term, just someone fun to be with and keep the bed sheets warm. Tim* admitted that he'd moved to California and now that he was back, was tired of the bar scene and didn't have time to date but remembered what a great time he and I had. Further investigation yielded that although Tim remembered that I was looking for a relationship, he had hoped that I had changed my mind and wouldn't mind going out with him anyways? Oh and yes, he did recall having a great time dating me the whole 2 dates we went out on, he couldn't remember what I looked like and could I send him a photo to refresh his memory? Again, poetic and classy.
So what is the take away from all this? First of all, don't ever underestimate the power of loneliness, it will be the reason why your ex's hang onto your phone or email address years after you've moved on from them. They will try to creep back into your life, do not let them! They are ex's for a reason and if you need a reminder, write down those reasons somewhere handy so when they slither back in with smooth talk, you'll remember why and drop them faster than 3rd period French class! Secondly, its wonderful to know that when I'm going out with bad habits, and yes this will sound extremely shallow but I'll admit flattering, to know they remember the good times they had with me. This just further boosts my ego that I may be shallow, but super awesome lol (totally kidding, sort of). Thirdly, the holidays will usually stir up those old feelings of lust and lust can sometimes be disguised as love and desire, do not mix the two up! Lust takes its directives from below the belt, love takes its directives from above the belt. You need to choose who you spend your time with, a habit that is worth your time or a bad habit that hits below the belt? Last, its the holidays, if you have a single friend, do them a favor, just invite them over for a drink or a home cooked meal. Let them tell you about the woes of being single so they can get it off their chest and then reassure them not that they will find someone one day but that they are so much better off without their bad habits in their life. Sometimes, that is the best gift to be thankful for all year long if it means you're happy, and you don't have bad habits hanging around, making you miserable. You know that kiss on New Years Eve won't be as sweet when you touch the lips of a bad habit!
My wish for each of you, stay happy, stay healthy and stay safe! May 2015 be as incredible for you as all the wonderful gifts life can bring and may you find a slice of joy to carve out for your very own as you know, single or taken, you deserve all that life has to offer! Cheers to a Happy New Year! Until next time....
Optimistically Yours, a Hopeful Girl
 |
| Cheers to you and yours! |
* Get a designated driver or be the DD yourself!
* Uber, taxi or even your mom can drive you as long as you're not drinking and behind the wheel, whatever it takes right?
* Sleep on the sofa of your friend's house (but offer to make breakfast as a thank you the next morning).
* Intoxication loses its luster the minute you turn green--don't be "that girl" or "that guy" that turns green all over the hor's devours.
* If you didn't pour it, don't drink it, never know what hypnotic goodies someone could slip you.
* Fireworks and stupidity do not mix. Have a responsible adult handling the pyrotechnics or you might earn yourself a trip to the ER and a great story on how you lost a finger.
* Commonsense, above all, the best safety tip. If your gut says "not a great idea" listen to it. Don't hurt its feelings by ignoring it--could mean the difference between a great night and a miserable, bad habit kinda night. Happy New Years Campers!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
No Flip Flops - Part 2
As promised, part 2 of No Flip-Flops....
After an incredible first date with John and another one set for the future, I'm on cloud 9! Three days after the date I get a phone call from my father, "So where'd he take you? And you're not dead right?" I told my father he was a crack shot investigator waiting three days to check on me after a blind internet date came to the house to pick me up and take me out on a mystery evening. At least I know the time frame for how long it'd take for someone to discover I'd gone missing right?
Date #2 consisted of Monday night football at a local dive bar, my Seattle Seahawks v. his Greenbay Packers. As game day grew near, I get a text message from him that he'd gotten the dates mixed up and the two teams weren't playing for another month, what if we did something else? Sure, so plan B was to head out for happy hour at a local Mexican spot after work. I'm dressed in my work clothes which if its good enough for the business world, figured it'd be good enough for a second date right? Nope, he kept insisting I go home and change then come over to his place (apparently side stepping the Mexican restaurant). I politely declined, by the time I got off work, changed clothes and headed his direction it wouldn't be happy hour any more. Plus, personally I liked my outfit that day, I looked good, why waste a good outfit?
I arrived at the happy hour location, no John, no cars in the lot and the place was dark inside. Being the resourceful girl scout that I am, I ventured across the street to a strip mall to find a plan C location, an Italian spot that boasted lots of happiness and open tables. Arriving late, John declined and said it wasn't a good spot, so plan D, a sushi spot that looked a little questionable was our final destination. At this point I was starving and just wanted to spend time with him and didn't really care where we were as long as we were together.
Walking into the last 10 minutes of happy hour, we order a round of Saki bombs. Although John was younger than me, I got carded, he didn't. The waitress walks away, his mouth hanging open in disbelief, I giggled. Sushi, a 2nd round of bombs and 2 hours later, John wants to head to the movies but doesn't know which movie he wants to see. After 30 mins of debate on not so much the movie to watch but rather the theater, he decides the one he wants to go to is 2.5 miles further east from us v. the one I suggested which was only 2 miles away and west. By the time the check came, no decision was made and we just sat there talking. Why is the discussion regarding the theater important? His logical reasoning to go to the eastern most theater was it was in his neighborhood and closer to his home, making his commute just a few minutes. I was already 25 mins away from home, what was another 5 minutes for me? (Yes I was a little miffed but hey, he was a great guy so I let it go and agreed to the theater further away.)
John grabbed the check, playing with it for the next 30 mins as we continued to sit and talk, I'm asking him questions about his children and letting him know that I value the important role they play in his life. At this point now though, we've missed the beginning of the movie and it is now pushed off for another evening, I excuse myself to the ladies room, figuring he'd wanted to pay the check while I was powdering my nose. Returning to the table I see no, he's still playing with it but its not paid, ok, hint taken. Either he wants me to pay for it, or offer to split it but doesn't know how to broach the subject? He excuses himself to the restroom so I make the executive decision and paid the check. It was the least I could do, he planned such a great first date, why not try to show my investment in the budding relationship as well? Its not a woman's lib thing, its just a common courtesy and maybe he didn't anticipate the bill amount? I could not have been more wrong! Look on his face upon his return, it was as if I'd just stolen his man card, but he said thank you and sat down to finish his beer.
As we made plans for another date, with a more solid time table and movie theater location, discussion evolved into my volunteering. John asked me more about it and I was happy to oblige with my answer, when you're passionate about something, its easy to share! I explained that I enjoy working with the ladies that I do, the philanthropic opportunities it provides and the development of a larger purpose by investing in the personal growth of each woman. He smiled and said he thought it was so great that I had a group to volunteer with, that he could tell it made me happy. I couldn't believe it, a guy that seemed supportive of my volunteering instead of calling me an airhead or belittling the fact that I enjoy working with incredible women. Score! A long kiss good night and I was headed home with the thought that this great guy, who seems supportive of my volunteering, shows me that he likes to be a man and plan things but is ok if I take the wheel if needed and still give me a toe curling kiss at the end of the evening!
24 hours later, toes have uncurled, sadly I've got a sore throat and had to stay home from work, come to find out that John's kids have been home sick. Lesson learned here, sometimes boys have cooties....meh, it was worth it! Date #3 had to be postponed until I was better. He checked in on me throughout the week which was so sweet and as I got better, he asked if I wanted to hangout again, yes of course I did! I had already made plans for volunteering later that week but I'd figure something out. Then this happened:
John: recruitment for brownie scouts? :)
Me: for my sorority
John: Ah ha! You're still helping with that?
Me: Still? Its a lifetime commitment lol. Thats like me saying to you "oh your kids...you're still doing that?" :)
John: Thats cool that you're that hard core into it
Me: Thats cool that you're hardcore into being a dad :)
John: you're being a little defensive don't you think?
Me: Defensive? Not at all :) I'm happy to let you know that when something I'm dedicated and passionate about is important to me, its easier to explain that by putting it in terms that makes sense to others who might not understand that dedication. I'm guessing its not something you're interested in so I'm making a mental note to keep my related activities to volunteering to myself. Easy peasy :)
John: I said it was cool that you were hard core into it. Not that you were a geek. For you to pit against someone else's child bearing is a bit much.
(I don't respond, 20 minutes go by)
John: Ask someone else who's close to you who might know about both subjects equally and see what they have to say. I'd guarantee you that you had said this to most any woman instead of me? Shed find your address and have it out with you. Lol
***Did you hear that? Thats the sound of sad ignorance drowning in a pool of knowledge and I still threw him a life preserver because I was still hopeful about this fantastic guy. I wasn't going to let him pick a fight with me.
Me: Actually, of my friends that are both men and women, parents or not, all of them are supportive and especially the ladies that I have in my volunteer group that are ALSO mothers are even more supportive and passionate like me. But I appreciate your perspective and will leave that as the last time I'll mention the subject with you :)
***splashing and thrashing around, he still won't take the life preserver I'm offering of kindness and understanding.
In reality, I was absolutely irritated. Pick me up at my place for a first date even though it was against my personal rule, forget to mention to me until we're already on our first date that his divorce had just become finalized meaning he wasn't single when we'd met online, insist I change out of work clothes for happy hour, get me sick (ok, I take 50% blame on that one), and openly admit that he didn't want to go to a closer movie theater because it wasn't as close to his house and didn't want to drive far...all of this and I was still not phased until my deal breaker came to light, where he showed his true colors about my volunteering. Sorry buddy, but the minute anyone starts to downplay and belittle something I support, is the minute he's introduced to the curb, rump end first!
The conversation was so disappointing and yet incredibly enlightening, to see what a human is capable of to not only rationalize what commonsense tells us are red flags, but to also continue to inspire hope that its just a silly misunderstanding between the two of us. A few lessons learned in this process that hopefully will be a good take away here as I am optimistic that I'm not the only one that believes in happy endings...1. Do not ignore gut feelings, its a slimy organ inside our bodies but its there to warn us of danger 2. Its ok to step outside your comfort zone, to take a chance on happiness, to let your guard down and allow someone else into your world. Your heart might get broken in the process but it WILL heal 3. If the person you're with is not considerate about the things that are important in your life, you won't ever convince them otherwise and sticking around to "fix" the situation is just not going to go in your favor 4. Anyone is capable of feigning sincerity if it'll get them what they want. I have since discovered the sincerity shown on our second date was a ploy to have me come over and spend the night at his place. Didn't that trick stop working in the 1980s as a pick-up move? I guess his previous acts of chivalry have an expiration date. 5. Honesty is still one of the sexiest qualities a person can possess and keeping secrets such as your relationship status, your personal health, are things that can potentially negatively affect others. Knock it off, be honest, be safe and no, its never ok to lie or omit the truth when in a relationship with another. All you're doing is dooming the relationship to failure and purposefully causing harm. Don't be a douche bag, be honest (ladies, that goes both ways!)
Truth is, I had a great first date with a man that had great potential and I think we both thought it was going to blossom into something more. In the end, I wasn't willing to compromise my character or what I stand for and he wasn't willing to be a woman that wasn't going to become dramatic when he tried to pick a fight. I still see his profile online, active from time to time since then. I know he's searching and wish him luck and hope he realizes that being in a partnership, really a relationship, means supporting one another, even if its not something you're interested in--if its important to one of you, its important to both of you!
~ Optimistically Yours,
a Hopeful Girl
After an incredible first date with John and another one set for the future, I'm on cloud 9! Three days after the date I get a phone call from my father, "So where'd he take you? And you're not dead right?" I told my father he was a crack shot investigator waiting three days to check on me after a blind internet date came to the house to pick me up and take me out on a mystery evening. At least I know the time frame for how long it'd take for someone to discover I'd gone missing right?
Date #2 consisted of Monday night football at a local dive bar, my Seattle Seahawks v. his Greenbay Packers. As game day grew near, I get a text message from him that he'd gotten the dates mixed up and the two teams weren't playing for another month, what if we did something else? Sure, so plan B was to head out for happy hour at a local Mexican spot after work. I'm dressed in my work clothes which if its good enough for the business world, figured it'd be good enough for a second date right? Nope, he kept insisting I go home and change then come over to his place (apparently side stepping the Mexican restaurant). I politely declined, by the time I got off work, changed clothes and headed his direction it wouldn't be happy hour any more. Plus, personally I liked my outfit that day, I looked good, why waste a good outfit?
I arrived at the happy hour location, no John, no cars in the lot and the place was dark inside. Being the resourceful girl scout that I am, I ventured across the street to a strip mall to find a plan C location, an Italian spot that boasted lots of happiness and open tables. Arriving late, John declined and said it wasn't a good spot, so plan D, a sushi spot that looked a little questionable was our final destination. At this point I was starving and just wanted to spend time with him and didn't really care where we were as long as we were together.
Walking into the last 10 minutes of happy hour, we order a round of Saki bombs. Although John was younger than me, I got carded, he didn't. The waitress walks away, his mouth hanging open in disbelief, I giggled. Sushi, a 2nd round of bombs and 2 hours later, John wants to head to the movies but doesn't know which movie he wants to see. After 30 mins of debate on not so much the movie to watch but rather the theater, he decides the one he wants to go to is 2.5 miles further east from us v. the one I suggested which was only 2 miles away and west. By the time the check came, no decision was made and we just sat there talking. Why is the discussion regarding the theater important? His logical reasoning to go to the eastern most theater was it was in his neighborhood and closer to his home, making his commute just a few minutes. I was already 25 mins away from home, what was another 5 minutes for me? (Yes I was a little miffed but hey, he was a great guy so I let it go and agreed to the theater further away.)
John grabbed the check, playing with it for the next 30 mins as we continued to sit and talk, I'm asking him questions about his children and letting him know that I value the important role they play in his life. At this point now though, we've missed the beginning of the movie and it is now pushed off for another evening, I excuse myself to the ladies room, figuring he'd wanted to pay the check while I was powdering my nose. Returning to the table I see no, he's still playing with it but its not paid, ok, hint taken. Either he wants me to pay for it, or offer to split it but doesn't know how to broach the subject? He excuses himself to the restroom so I make the executive decision and paid the check. It was the least I could do, he planned such a great first date, why not try to show my investment in the budding relationship as well? Its not a woman's lib thing, its just a common courtesy and maybe he didn't anticipate the bill amount? I could not have been more wrong! Look on his face upon his return, it was as if I'd just stolen his man card, but he said thank you and sat down to finish his beer.
As we made plans for another date, with a more solid time table and movie theater location, discussion evolved into my volunteering. John asked me more about it and I was happy to oblige with my answer, when you're passionate about something, its easy to share! I explained that I enjoy working with the ladies that I do, the philanthropic opportunities it provides and the development of a larger purpose by investing in the personal growth of each woman. He smiled and said he thought it was so great that I had a group to volunteer with, that he could tell it made me happy. I couldn't believe it, a guy that seemed supportive of my volunteering instead of calling me an airhead or belittling the fact that I enjoy working with incredible women. Score! A long kiss good night and I was headed home with the thought that this great guy, who seems supportive of my volunteering, shows me that he likes to be a man and plan things but is ok if I take the wheel if needed and still give me a toe curling kiss at the end of the evening!
24 hours later, toes have uncurled, sadly I've got a sore throat and had to stay home from work, come to find out that John's kids have been home sick. Lesson learned here, sometimes boys have cooties....meh, it was worth it! Date #3 had to be postponed until I was better. He checked in on me throughout the week which was so sweet and as I got better, he asked if I wanted to hangout again, yes of course I did! I had already made plans for volunteering later that week but I'd figure something out. Then this happened:
John: recruitment for brownie scouts? :)
Me: for my sorority
John: Ah ha! You're still helping with that?
Me: Still? Its a lifetime commitment lol. Thats like me saying to you "oh your kids...you're still doing that?" :)
John: Thats cool that you're that hard core into it
Me: Thats cool that you're hardcore into being a dad :)
John: you're being a little defensive don't you think?
Me: Defensive? Not at all :) I'm happy to let you know that when something I'm dedicated and passionate about is important to me, its easier to explain that by putting it in terms that makes sense to others who might not understand that dedication. I'm guessing its not something you're interested in so I'm making a mental note to keep my related activities to volunteering to myself. Easy peasy :)
John: I said it was cool that you were hard core into it. Not that you were a geek. For you to pit against someone else's child bearing is a bit much.
(I don't respond, 20 minutes go by)
John: Ask someone else who's close to you who might know about both subjects equally and see what they have to say. I'd guarantee you that you had said this to most any woman instead of me? Shed find your address and have it out with you. Lol
***Did you hear that? Thats the sound of sad ignorance drowning in a pool of knowledge and I still threw him a life preserver because I was still hopeful about this fantastic guy. I wasn't going to let him pick a fight with me.
Me: Actually, of my friends that are both men and women, parents or not, all of them are supportive and especially the ladies that I have in my volunteer group that are ALSO mothers are even more supportive and passionate like me. But I appreciate your perspective and will leave that as the last time I'll mention the subject with you :)
***splashing and thrashing around, he still won't take the life preserver I'm offering of kindness and understanding.
In reality, I was absolutely irritated. Pick me up at my place for a first date even though it was against my personal rule, forget to mention to me until we're already on our first date that his divorce had just become finalized meaning he wasn't single when we'd met online, insist I change out of work clothes for happy hour, get me sick (ok, I take 50% blame on that one), and openly admit that he didn't want to go to a closer movie theater because it wasn't as close to his house and didn't want to drive far...all of this and I was still not phased until my deal breaker came to light, where he showed his true colors about my volunteering. Sorry buddy, but the minute anyone starts to downplay and belittle something I support, is the minute he's introduced to the curb, rump end first!
The conversation was so disappointing and yet incredibly enlightening, to see what a human is capable of to not only rationalize what commonsense tells us are red flags, but to also continue to inspire hope that its just a silly misunderstanding between the two of us. A few lessons learned in this process that hopefully will be a good take away here as I am optimistic that I'm not the only one that believes in happy endings...1. Do not ignore gut feelings, its a slimy organ inside our bodies but its there to warn us of danger 2. Its ok to step outside your comfort zone, to take a chance on happiness, to let your guard down and allow someone else into your world. Your heart might get broken in the process but it WILL heal 3. If the person you're with is not considerate about the things that are important in your life, you won't ever convince them otherwise and sticking around to "fix" the situation is just not going to go in your favor 4. Anyone is capable of feigning sincerity if it'll get them what they want. I have since discovered the sincerity shown on our second date was a ploy to have me come over and spend the night at his place. Didn't that trick stop working in the 1980s as a pick-up move? I guess his previous acts of chivalry have an expiration date. 5. Honesty is still one of the sexiest qualities a person can possess and keeping secrets such as your relationship status, your personal health, are things that can potentially negatively affect others. Knock it off, be honest, be safe and no, its never ok to lie or omit the truth when in a relationship with another. All you're doing is dooming the relationship to failure and purposefully causing harm. Don't be a douche bag, be honest (ladies, that goes both ways!)
Truth is, I had a great first date with a man that had great potential and I think we both thought it was going to blossom into something more. In the end, I wasn't willing to compromise my character or what I stand for and he wasn't willing to be a woman that wasn't going to become dramatic when he tried to pick a fight. I still see his profile online, active from time to time since then. I know he's searching and wish him luck and hope he realizes that being in a partnership, really a relationship, means supporting one another, even if its not something you're interested in--if its important to one of you, its important to both of you!
~ Optimistically Yours,
a Hopeful Girl
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Wear Something Neon, and No Flip-Flops - Part I
"Lets be honest, can we?" How can one simple question be the trigger to a whole new adventure? Well it did, a new adventure and a fresh perspective on approaching dating that took me by surprise and it was worth a shot to see where it led. Scrolling through my inbox, a message from John popped up and asked me that question, "Lets be honest, can we? Instead of doing the same song and dance where we chat about nothing important, can you list out your faults? Lets get past the superficial and get real?" Part of me was a little taken aback and part of me thought, what do I have to lose? I met the guy online, John might not even be his real name and hey, worst case scenario, I never hear from him again. On the plus side, he would know the real me and if he responded, he'd know exactly what he was getting himself into right? So, game on!
I listed my faults, including some tough ones that after putting them out there in real words were a little hard hitting. I tend to put my faith in others very quickly and give them my trust without question which then turns to my disappointment when that trust has been broken. For all the crazy dates I've been on, I don't give up very easily and continue to stay in the game even if the next person does or says something so off the wall that commonsense rationalizes it as another life lesson and move forward. I have alot of shoes and accessories and I might come off as a princess (well I do lets be honest) but thats on the outside, on the inside my character doesn't allow for snobby attitudes. That honesty is one of the highest valued attributes I will give and I expect to be returned and the minute that honesty is not present, I turn and walk away. As a volunteer, I am passionate about the groups and events I support and any man in my life needs to at least respect my philanthropy and volunteering, I'm a packaged deal. He replied!! I won't share his list but it seemed very reasonable and after a week or so of honest discussions we decided to go out on a first date!
About a day or so before the date, I disclosed to him about this blog, thats the kind of honesty I give and expect in return, and with the disclosure, I told him if he wanted to cancel our date after reading it, no hard feelings. I also told him if he didn't want me to write about him all he had to do is say so. Obviously, he didn't tell me no so here we are....About an hour after I told him about the blog, I heard back from him. He was absolutely shocked, couldn't believe the shenanigans and told me he felt like apologizing on behalf of all those nutty guys. He was even more excited to meet me and that he would plan the entire night including picking me up from my house like a man should, and that all I needed to do was "wear something neon and no flip-flops". Intrigued, I relented, any man that was willing to put up with me after being this "real" and he didn't have anything that seemed too out of the ordinary in his footlocker either, just the typical divorced with shared custody of the kids set up, he deserved a bending in the rules to come pick me up.
What a great night! The entire night was planned out, a surprise everywhere we went! Starting with sushi for dinner, conversation flowed easily in person as it did when we first met online. We toasted to each other and some of our great successes we'd had that week, one of which was that his divorce had just gotten finalized 3 days before--Ok, so I guess honesty comes out in different shades of grey, he'd told me when we met that he was already divorced but, potato/pota-to. We head over to a strip mall where an underground glow in the dark indoor putt-putt range was located. The black lights inside turned everything you wore neon and my striped tank top glowed like Roudolph's red nose! We were clearly two of maybe 8 people over the age of 16 but it still was a great time and we showed those teens that we were tough competition! 18 rounds worked up an appetite and he took me to an ice cream parlor where we sat and talked, got adopted by the double date at the table next to us who engaged us in a conversation about DJ Tiesto and started playing some of his mixes on their phones. John and I passed looks at each other, that moment when you realize your date just got hijacked by 4 teenagers, we just laughed and continued on with the evening.
When he took me home, he walked me to my door like a gentleman to make sure I got in ok. Chivalry is not dead and I encourage any man that thinks its too old fashioned to follow it, to go to their local retirement center and get a refresher lesson from someone who courted in the 1950's and 60s, trust me on this one fellas. That sweet, silent but hopeful moment you get when you say good night can go so many ways, theres the "well I had a good time, thank you" followed by a hug, a high five or a handshake (all from personal experience). This will more than likely tell the other person in multiple ways that you had a great night but lets leave it at that. The move I made sent a clear message, "I had a great time tonight, thank you for planning the whole evening, it was absolutely perfect!" and I went in for the hug that turned into a make-out session, right there on my front porch! I am not ashamed to admit that I kissed a boy and I liked it!
Lesson learned here? 1. Chivalry is not dead! Gentlemen, its ok to learn some of those social graces and Ladies, please please please do not discourage these gestures! You can still be an independent woman of today and allow a man to open a door for you. 2. If you take a chance on being the real you and someone doesn't go running for the hills, they are worth your time to get to know better and send a message that you'd like a second date! Get out there and get real, better to be the real you from the very beginning than present a glossy version of yourself. From my experience, not being the real you only creates a relationship built on false pretenses and if you're looking for long term, glossy won't last long.
Message was received and there was another date planned with John on the books the next day and that campers, is for Part II...stay tuned!
~ Optimistically, Yours
I listed my faults, including some tough ones that after putting them out there in real words were a little hard hitting. I tend to put my faith in others very quickly and give them my trust without question which then turns to my disappointment when that trust has been broken. For all the crazy dates I've been on, I don't give up very easily and continue to stay in the game even if the next person does or says something so off the wall that commonsense rationalizes it as another life lesson and move forward. I have alot of shoes and accessories and I might come off as a princess (well I do lets be honest) but thats on the outside, on the inside my character doesn't allow for snobby attitudes. That honesty is one of the highest valued attributes I will give and I expect to be returned and the minute that honesty is not present, I turn and walk away. As a volunteer, I am passionate about the groups and events I support and any man in my life needs to at least respect my philanthropy and volunteering, I'm a packaged deal. He replied!! I won't share his list but it seemed very reasonable and after a week or so of honest discussions we decided to go out on a first date!
About a day or so before the date, I disclosed to him about this blog, thats the kind of honesty I give and expect in return, and with the disclosure, I told him if he wanted to cancel our date after reading it, no hard feelings. I also told him if he didn't want me to write about him all he had to do is say so. Obviously, he didn't tell me no so here we are....About an hour after I told him about the blog, I heard back from him. He was absolutely shocked, couldn't believe the shenanigans and told me he felt like apologizing on behalf of all those nutty guys. He was even more excited to meet me and that he would plan the entire night including picking me up from my house like a man should, and that all I needed to do was "wear something neon and no flip-flops". Intrigued, I relented, any man that was willing to put up with me after being this "real" and he didn't have anything that seemed too out of the ordinary in his footlocker either, just the typical divorced with shared custody of the kids set up, he deserved a bending in the rules to come pick me up.
What a great night! The entire night was planned out, a surprise everywhere we went! Starting with sushi for dinner, conversation flowed easily in person as it did when we first met online. We toasted to each other and some of our great successes we'd had that week, one of which was that his divorce had just gotten finalized 3 days before--Ok, so I guess honesty comes out in different shades of grey, he'd told me when we met that he was already divorced but, potato/pota-to. We head over to a strip mall where an underground glow in the dark indoor putt-putt range was located. The black lights inside turned everything you wore neon and my striped tank top glowed like Roudolph's red nose! We were clearly two of maybe 8 people over the age of 16 but it still was a great time and we showed those teens that we were tough competition! 18 rounds worked up an appetite and he took me to an ice cream parlor where we sat and talked, got adopted by the double date at the table next to us who engaged us in a conversation about DJ Tiesto and started playing some of his mixes on their phones. John and I passed looks at each other, that moment when you realize your date just got hijacked by 4 teenagers, we just laughed and continued on with the evening.
When he took me home, he walked me to my door like a gentleman to make sure I got in ok. Chivalry is not dead and I encourage any man that thinks its too old fashioned to follow it, to go to their local retirement center and get a refresher lesson from someone who courted in the 1950's and 60s, trust me on this one fellas. That sweet, silent but hopeful moment you get when you say good night can go so many ways, theres the "well I had a good time, thank you" followed by a hug, a high five or a handshake (all from personal experience). This will more than likely tell the other person in multiple ways that you had a great night but lets leave it at that. The move I made sent a clear message, "I had a great time tonight, thank you for planning the whole evening, it was absolutely perfect!" and I went in for the hug that turned into a make-out session, right there on my front porch! I am not ashamed to admit that I kissed a boy and I liked it!
Lesson learned here? 1. Chivalry is not dead! Gentlemen, its ok to learn some of those social graces and Ladies, please please please do not discourage these gestures! You can still be an independent woman of today and allow a man to open a door for you. 2. If you take a chance on being the real you and someone doesn't go running for the hills, they are worth your time to get to know better and send a message that you'd like a second date! Get out there and get real, better to be the real you from the very beginning than present a glossy version of yourself. From my experience, not being the real you only creates a relationship built on false pretenses and if you're looking for long term, glossy won't last long.
Message was received and there was another date planned with John on the books the next day and that campers, is for Part II...stay tuned!
~ Optimistically, Yours
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Ding-Dong-Ditch Demetri
Pranksters, jesters, creators of shenanigans, these are a breed of people after my own heart because their intent is normally to play and fool someone and then in a jovial way, let the unsuspecting victim in on the on prank. These jolly hearts are often just looking to have some innocent fun, make us giggle and liven up the joint right? Timing is everything though isn't it? Ask any comedian, you can tell a joke one way and get crickets, tell it again with timing, and the audience is roaring with laughter! So when the prankster goes too far, here's how it looked one Sunday night.
Looking forward to a first date with *Demetri, a self proclaimed ginger, we had made plans on a whim after chatting for a few weeks. I discovered we had a lot in common like running, trying to live healthy, movies, music, sports, etc. Plans were set in the morning to meet at a local eatery at 7:00pm for dinner and relaxed conversation. He had eluded drinks at his place to begin with but I stuck firm to my personal rule that first dates ideally should be in a public place for both of our sakes. That suggestion probably should have been my first clue but nope, I'm too slow joe! He didn't give me the vibe that he had another agenda other than looking for someone to date and get to know better, or even just know as friends so it was easily dismissed as a friendly gesture.
He asked for a picture of me so I sent one of me and a friend, from the neck up, we are both at the pool, no make-up, hair is wet but we were smiling and I figured if he likes me at my worst, real life will be even better! The entire afternoon we went back and forth via text, asking each other why we were both single, what we were both looking for specifically, what we did for a living, I guess looking back, none of that came up in our initial chats because we clicked so well it was just the fluff to fill space, we dove right into getting to know one another. I was very clear that I was looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship, to start a family with if I was lucky enough to become a mom and grow together as a couple. Not looking for the "whole 9 yards" but maybe my version of it minus the white picket fence (would clash with my front yard and house color too much lol).
Demetri: Well we same age so get started sooner then later kids are full of it
Me: Lol you must be talking to my family, they tell me the same thing!
Me: Wait! Do you know them? Is this a trap, a set up?
Demetri: I've been sent to spray you and give the gift of life:
Me: Ha, I knew it!
This guy's got jokes! I laughed it off and looked forward to seeing Demetri later that evening. At 6:00pm he tells me he is "poorish" if that mattered, not a "balla" like me. I asked him to explain, because for me, I don't honestly care how much money a person makes as long as their job makes them happy. He had assumed based off of my job title that I was making money hand over fist and that he wasn't in the same financial bracket as myself, which just goes to show, you can't judge a book by its cover, or job title in this case. I assured him that it didn't matter to me what his paycheck was, we were going to have a good time.
7:00pm rolls around and I am at the eatery, he'd requested that we not sit on the patio because of the heat so I got a shady spot inside, and let him know where the table was since I arrived first. The doors to the place were wide open on all sides so we might as well have been sitting on the patio anyways. 15 mins roll by, he texts me that he can't find me and confirms I'm at the Tempe location. I resend him the text location of where the table is and include my outfit, can't miss me in my yellow skirt, I stood out like a sore thumb lol
Demetri: U w a group or solo?
Me: Yeah, I invited 20 of my closest friends to join us ;) jk, I'm solo
Demetri: lol
After finding me finally, (fyi, he's not a ginger) we each have a beer because although we were meeting for dinner, he already ate, thats why he was running late. Awkward, but moving forward right? We chat about sports, about family, where I discover he has a son. Tells me how horrible his ex is and how she sucks all the money out of him and basically describing this woman who gave life to his child as an ungrateful gold digger. Lightbulb! Apparently there are a lot of horrible women out there that are just trying to mess up every man's life with child support and keeping the father of their child in the picture. (Something tells me that this statement isn't entirely true but its a theme I run across frequently).
Since I'm not her and I just learned of this new aspect of Demetri's life, I know that its not my place to comment either way on that subject of the ex and child support so I just listen and let him talk as he needed. First opening, I change the subject and steer it back towards his work as that seemed to be a lighter topic and he enjoyed discussing it. Enough glasses of water between the two of us and he claims "Well I need to run to the bathroom, too much water" and he chuckles as he walks towards the bathroom. I busy myself with the baseball game on television and realize after awhile, he's not back yet. 15 mins gone might mean he's bearing down or....hmm...ok, another 5 mins I flag down a male waiter to check on him, maybe he's sick? I recall my appendectomy situation (another story for another time) so I felt empathy for him if he was in need of help. The waiter comes back, look on his face tells me somethings wrong "Uh, miss, yeah I hate to tell you this but theres no one in the bathroom". Awesome. So not only did he ditch me, he left me with the check and no word of good bye or even pull a chapter from our pal Herbert from "I'll have a Mr. Wonderful..."
Me: Looks like I just got ditched huh? You wanted to know why I'm single? This is why...I get ditched or stood up. You seemed so much like a cool guy, a stand up guy. Bummed out that I was mistaken.
(Next Morning)
Demetri: Sorry, would've been just sex and felt u didn't want that. Wasn't right
(I do not respond)
Demetri: Morning
Me: (taking a deep breath, might as well rip this off like a bandaide) Sooooooo...ditching me and letting me sit there and be worried that something was wrong was a better choice? lol OK, at least telling me you weren't interested and saying goodbye so I wouldn't worry would have been better than how you made me feel. I truly hope for as much care and compassion you have for your son, and I believe that you do, please on behalf of the rest of us sad fools, don't pass that trick onto him? Imagine how many broken hearts he might cause if he knows its OK for dad to do it, why can't he? I guess you just reminded me how sad my hope is to find someone who will be honest with me. Good luck wherever life takes you.
Demetri: So no orgasm and fun?
Demetri: OK then
Me: Correct, you did not give me any of that last night but I'm sure someone more worthy for you will be that lucky. Please, please, do me a favor and stop contacting me?
Demetri: OK sorry
True, I was embarrassed that I got ditched, I'm not above admitting that he just wasn't interested but is it asking too much to find out why, if the build up before the date is going so well? Oh the ever elusive "why"! I don't put up fake or out of date photos of myself or communicate any differently in written word than I do in real life. Theres no smoke and mirrors, no false pretences, I'm upfront and honest, don't hide anything because I want someone like me for me, not a version of me that I've constructed out of misdirection. I can tell you there was misdirection from his end, finding out that he had a son he was hiding and an Ex. He obviously has been hurt by her so badly that my gut tells me he's not looking for "the whole 9 yards" or anything close to it. My question to the cosmos, or maybe someone reading is, why start to get involved with someone if you know that what they are looking for is NOT what you're looking for?
Lesson to be had from this whole experience? Always bring your wallet and never assume that even if you're a girl, the guy will pay for you. That even wearing a bright color to easily be identified in a large crowd, providing directions and carrying on a good conversation, it still won't always end in a kiss good night. To always remember, even if someone does you wrong, leave that baggage at the door and don't carry it with you on the next date, its not fair to the person that does want to spend time with you. And last but not least, sometimes you will have to ask someone to check the bathroom for you...even to check on a prankster, a jester or a creator of shenanigans that told the joke wrong, and all you're left with is crickets.
Stay well my friends, until next time!
*Name changed to protect the party in question.
Looking forward to a first date with *Demetri, a self proclaimed ginger, we had made plans on a whim after chatting for a few weeks. I discovered we had a lot in common like running, trying to live healthy, movies, music, sports, etc. Plans were set in the morning to meet at a local eatery at 7:00pm for dinner and relaxed conversation. He had eluded drinks at his place to begin with but I stuck firm to my personal rule that first dates ideally should be in a public place for both of our sakes. That suggestion probably should have been my first clue but nope, I'm too slow joe! He didn't give me the vibe that he had another agenda other than looking for someone to date and get to know better, or even just know as friends so it was easily dismissed as a friendly gesture.
He asked for a picture of me so I sent one of me and a friend, from the neck up, we are both at the pool, no make-up, hair is wet but we were smiling and I figured if he likes me at my worst, real life will be even better! The entire afternoon we went back and forth via text, asking each other why we were both single, what we were both looking for specifically, what we did for a living, I guess looking back, none of that came up in our initial chats because we clicked so well it was just the fluff to fill space, we dove right into getting to know one another. I was very clear that I was looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship, to start a family with if I was lucky enough to become a mom and grow together as a couple. Not looking for the "whole 9 yards" but maybe my version of it minus the white picket fence (would clash with my front yard and house color too much lol).
Demetri: Well we same age so get started sooner then later kids are full of it
Me: Lol you must be talking to my family, they tell me the same thing!
Me: Wait! Do you know them? Is this a trap, a set up?
Demetri: I've been sent to spray you and give the gift of life:
Me: Ha, I knew it!
This guy's got jokes! I laughed it off and looked forward to seeing Demetri later that evening. At 6:00pm he tells me he is "poorish" if that mattered, not a "balla" like me. I asked him to explain, because for me, I don't honestly care how much money a person makes as long as their job makes them happy. He had assumed based off of my job title that I was making money hand over fist and that he wasn't in the same financial bracket as myself, which just goes to show, you can't judge a book by its cover, or job title in this case. I assured him that it didn't matter to me what his paycheck was, we were going to have a good time.
7:00pm rolls around and I am at the eatery, he'd requested that we not sit on the patio because of the heat so I got a shady spot inside, and let him know where the table was since I arrived first. The doors to the place were wide open on all sides so we might as well have been sitting on the patio anyways. 15 mins roll by, he texts me that he can't find me and confirms I'm at the Tempe location. I resend him the text location of where the table is and include my outfit, can't miss me in my yellow skirt, I stood out like a sore thumb lol
Demetri: U w a group or solo?
Me: Yeah, I invited 20 of my closest friends to join us ;) jk, I'm solo
Demetri: lol
After finding me finally, (fyi, he's not a ginger) we each have a beer because although we were meeting for dinner, he already ate, thats why he was running late. Awkward, but moving forward right? We chat about sports, about family, where I discover he has a son. Tells me how horrible his ex is and how she sucks all the money out of him and basically describing this woman who gave life to his child as an ungrateful gold digger. Lightbulb! Apparently there are a lot of horrible women out there that are just trying to mess up every man's life with child support and keeping the father of their child in the picture. (Something tells me that this statement isn't entirely true but its a theme I run across frequently).
Since I'm not her and I just learned of this new aspect of Demetri's life, I know that its not my place to comment either way on that subject of the ex and child support so I just listen and let him talk as he needed. First opening, I change the subject and steer it back towards his work as that seemed to be a lighter topic and he enjoyed discussing it. Enough glasses of water between the two of us and he claims "Well I need to run to the bathroom, too much water" and he chuckles as he walks towards the bathroom. I busy myself with the baseball game on television and realize after awhile, he's not back yet. 15 mins gone might mean he's bearing down or....hmm...ok, another 5 mins I flag down a male waiter to check on him, maybe he's sick? I recall my appendectomy situation (another story for another time) so I felt empathy for him if he was in need of help. The waiter comes back, look on his face tells me somethings wrong "Uh, miss, yeah I hate to tell you this but theres no one in the bathroom". Awesome. So not only did he ditch me, he left me with the check and no word of good bye or even pull a chapter from our pal Herbert from "I'll have a Mr. Wonderful..."
Me: Looks like I just got ditched huh? You wanted to know why I'm single? This is why...I get ditched or stood up. You seemed so much like a cool guy, a stand up guy. Bummed out that I was mistaken.
(Next Morning)
Demetri: Sorry, would've been just sex and felt u didn't want that. Wasn't right
(I do not respond)
Demetri: Morning
Me: (taking a deep breath, might as well rip this off like a bandaide) Sooooooo...ditching me and letting me sit there and be worried that something was wrong was a better choice? lol OK, at least telling me you weren't interested and saying goodbye so I wouldn't worry would have been better than how you made me feel. I truly hope for as much care and compassion you have for your son, and I believe that you do, please on behalf of the rest of us sad fools, don't pass that trick onto him? Imagine how many broken hearts he might cause if he knows its OK for dad to do it, why can't he? I guess you just reminded me how sad my hope is to find someone who will be honest with me. Good luck wherever life takes you.
Demetri: So no orgasm and fun?
Demetri: OK then
Me: Correct, you did not give me any of that last night but I'm sure someone more worthy for you will be that lucky. Please, please, do me a favor and stop contacting me?
Demetri: OK sorry
True, I was embarrassed that I got ditched, I'm not above admitting that he just wasn't interested but is it asking too much to find out why, if the build up before the date is going so well? Oh the ever elusive "why"! I don't put up fake or out of date photos of myself or communicate any differently in written word than I do in real life. Theres no smoke and mirrors, no false pretences, I'm upfront and honest, don't hide anything because I want someone like me for me, not a version of me that I've constructed out of misdirection. I can tell you there was misdirection from his end, finding out that he had a son he was hiding and an Ex. He obviously has been hurt by her so badly that my gut tells me he's not looking for "the whole 9 yards" or anything close to it. My question to the cosmos, or maybe someone reading is, why start to get involved with someone if you know that what they are looking for is NOT what you're looking for?
Lesson to be had from this whole experience? Always bring your wallet and never assume that even if you're a girl, the guy will pay for you. That even wearing a bright color to easily be identified in a large crowd, providing directions and carrying on a good conversation, it still won't always end in a kiss good night. To always remember, even if someone does you wrong, leave that baggage at the door and don't carry it with you on the next date, its not fair to the person that does want to spend time with you. And last but not least, sometimes you will have to ask someone to check the bathroom for you...even to check on a prankster, a jester or a creator of shenanigans that told the joke wrong, and all you're left with is crickets.
Stay well my friends, until next time!
*Name changed to protect the party in question.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Who's the Man? Stan--Wait Who's Stan?
****Originally posted August 2014, updated in purple September 2014 at bottom of post****
Sometimes, a conversation is all you need to really get a good idea on just what you're in for. You can get a vibe of joy, a red flag of "yikes", happiness, sadness, excitement and can really bring some sweetness to the receiver's side. In the dating world, I recently had a conversation with *Stan, a guy that I met online. Instead of writing out a novel, I think the conversation alone paints a good picture. While reading, do yourself a favor and keep notes on which "vibe" you are getting. And now, onto our feature presentation: note that these are verbatim words so please excuse grammar and spelling, its as it appeared in my messages.
Sometimes, a conversation is all you need to really get a good idea on just what you're in for. You can get a vibe of joy, a red flag of "yikes", happiness, sadness, excitement and can really bring some sweetness to the receiver's side. In the dating world, I recently had a conversation with *Stan, a guy that I met online. Instead of writing out a novel, I think the conversation alone paints a good picture. While reading, do yourself a favor and keep notes on which "vibe" you are getting. And now, onto our feature presentation: note that these are verbatim words so please excuse grammar and spelling, its as it appeared in my messages.
Stan: Hi
Me: Hello? Who's this?
Stan
Wanna exchange pics
Hey Stan, how are you
and Beth doing out in CA?
Can I have a picture
Stan you're funny. So how's
the beach? Are you loving
the job and new area?
I'm not in California
Your thinking of another stan
Oh Sorry
Wait is this Stan Olson?
Ah kid, how are you? The
family?
I'm in Phoenix
You visiting?
Let's just exchange pics
We never met before
Awkward...my bad, sorry I
can't place you
How'd you get my number?
Maybe on a dating site
Lol maybe?
That must've been a few months
ago at least then
Can I have a picture
yeah
Sorry but since I don't remember
you obviously and you can't
remember where you got my
number, gotta admit that sounds
a little hinky. I'm going to have to
hold off on sending any photos.
Sorry, you don't look familiar :(
U gave me your number off
the internet dating site
Oh ok well thanks for the check-in
sorry I've been dating a lot this
summer so apologies that I don't
remember chatting with you.
I would remember u if I
saw a picture
Wait, so you don't remember me either?
Lol ok this is super awkward no lol
I know your name is Sarah
Don't remember what u
look like
Your cute
Wish I got to meet u
(some time passes)
What u doing
Working
What area do u live in
**Tempe, why?
Just wondering
My work is in Tempe
(next day)
Hi
(3 days later)
Hey
(2 days later)
Hey wanna hangout
Stan, sorry but I am not looking
to "hang out". Just being honest.
I do wish you the best!
Show me your tits
No, please remove me from your
contacts.
(later that night)
Show me your boobs first
No, please remove me from your
contacts.
(later that night)
Show me your boobs first
Classy. Sooooooo classy.
I did some research after the fact and looked at my old phone that had old text messages in it still, finding the first set of conversation that he and I had starting in April. Immediately my memory was triggered as to why I didn't get a good feeling of Stan the first time. He demanded I send him photos over and over again (counting, in the short time we talked, 27 times) and yes, I'm stunning but I look the same every day, he was asking for photos every day, multiple times a day, he got one photo of me. I quickly developed an uneasy feeling and stopped responding to him. Like clockwork, every 2-3 days he would send a message to me over a 3 week period of "hi", "hey", "Hi", "what are you doing", "send me a pic", "Hey" with zero responses from me. Yes, I did the fade away and I hate that I had to resort to it but in this instance, I think I found a justifiable reason to do it.
Now you might be thinking, why didn't I just tell him I wasn't interested back in April? If he wasn't listening to me when I told him I wasn't going to send him multiple photos of myself, he wouldn't listen to me if I told him I wasn't interested. Proof in the pudding, 2nd time around shows you his response when I finally did respond and obviously, he didn't listen. And yes, thats not a photo of me, I was testing him to see if he really didn't remember what I looked like, again, proven correct sadly.
Conversations should be 50/50 or somewhat within reason, where there's a strong listening skill set, exploring the topic and getting to know one another's perspective. Paying attention, trying to remember a few key details such as what a person looks like, or how you know someone before contacting them. These are great tools for being successful in having conversations! It applies to not only the dating world but for the real world work force, making new friends, keeping in touch with family, going through the TSA line at the airport, etc. Not paying attention at TSA will even risk a full body cavity search, missing your flight and potentially getting on the no-fly list (this is not awesome).
So take some of these great tools, remember the vibe you might be giving out to others and if they truly aren't involved in the conversation, its ok to not respond until it really becomes necessary. Know yourself, know your limits and also know when to block someone from your phone or if you can't do that, change their id from "Stan" to "Do Not Answer". Good lucky campers!
*To protect Stan's identity, name changed
**To protect the location of where I actually live, I used a different city so he would hit a brick wall if he went looking.
***Photo found online.
****Updated September 2014****
The above story started out in April 2014 and the last message from Stan was sent on August 4th, 2014. On September 24th, he sent me a message via the dating website I'm on (of which I was confident I'd blocked him but apparently it didn't save).
His message: Hey Sarah I'm Stan nice to meet you. Your very pretty
I sat at my computer, dumbfounded that Stan has once again found me, he's like a bad penny! Now, messaging me as if he was introducing himself for the very first time, that not once but twice in 6 months, the conversations we'd had, numbers exchanged, that none of that had ever happened. What is a little concerning, the photos I've got are exactly the same now as they were back in April with the exception of one new picture I put up in July. Believe me, I called him on it.
Do you remember me?
Did we talk before ?
Did we meet?
Yes, we talked for a very long time
over the summer. Never met in person
because you kept asking me to show
you my boobs and you got mad when
I declined to do so because I didn't feel
comfortable doing that.
I'm sorry can u forgive me
Can we try to hangout again
At some point, theres a point where even the best of patience levels is pushed beyond what is acceptable. The answer is no, there will be no third times the charm and I believe even the guys would agree with me out there, this is a bad, made-for-tv movie where the ending will somehow involve either a trip to the funny farm or at least a restraining order. Can I forgive him? Absolutely, he's not worth harboring any negative feelings towards and to be honest, how do I know he isn't suffering from short term memory loss? Mental illness and memory loss is no laughing matter and I would not condemn a man who suffered from it.
If you feel so inclined, I encourage you to consider making a donation the Alzheimer's Association in honor of your favorite single guy or gal in the spirit of their plight as they may run across their own version of Stan and will have to, on more than one occasion, need to handle a few bad pennies. Stay happy my campers!
Optimistically Yours,
The above story started out in April 2014 and the last message from Stan was sent on August 4th, 2014. On September 24th, he sent me a message via the dating website I'm on (of which I was confident I'd blocked him but apparently it didn't save).
His message: Hey Sarah I'm Stan nice to meet you. Your very pretty
I sat at my computer, dumbfounded that Stan has once again found me, he's like a bad penny! Now, messaging me as if he was introducing himself for the very first time, that not once but twice in 6 months, the conversations we'd had, numbers exchanged, that none of that had ever happened. What is a little concerning, the photos I've got are exactly the same now as they were back in April with the exception of one new picture I put up in July. Believe me, I called him on it.
Do you remember me?
Did we talk before ?
Did we meet?
Yes, we talked for a very long time
over the summer. Never met in person
because you kept asking me to show
you my boobs and you got mad when
I declined to do so because I didn't feel
comfortable doing that.
I'm sorry can u forgive me
Can we try to hangout again
At some point, theres a point where even the best of patience levels is pushed beyond what is acceptable. The answer is no, there will be no third times the charm and I believe even the guys would agree with me out there, this is a bad, made-for-tv movie where the ending will somehow involve either a trip to the funny farm or at least a restraining order. Can I forgive him? Absolutely, he's not worth harboring any negative feelings towards and to be honest, how do I know he isn't suffering from short term memory loss? Mental illness and memory loss is no laughing matter and I would not condemn a man who suffered from it.
If you feel so inclined, I encourage you to consider making a donation the Alzheimer's Association in honor of your favorite single guy or gal in the spirit of their plight as they may run across their own version of Stan and will have to, on more than one occasion, need to handle a few bad pennies. Stay happy my campers!
Optimistically Yours,
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)