"Lets be honest, can we?" How can one simple question be the trigger to a whole new adventure? Well it did, a new adventure and a fresh perspective on approaching dating that took me by surprise and it was worth a shot to see where it led. Scrolling through my inbox, a message from John popped up and asked me that question, "Lets be honest, can we? Instead of doing the same song and dance where we chat about nothing important, can you list out your faults? Lets get past the superficial and get real?" Part of me was a little taken aback and part of me thought, what do I have to lose? I met the guy online, John might not even be his real name and hey, worst case scenario, I never hear from him again. On the plus side, he would know the real me and if he responded, he'd know exactly what he was getting himself into right? So, game on!
I listed my faults, including some tough ones that after putting them out there in real words were a little hard hitting. I tend to put my faith in others very quickly and give them my trust without question which then turns to my disappointment when that trust has been broken. For all the crazy dates I've been on, I don't give up very easily and continue to stay in the game even if the next person does or says something so off the wall that commonsense rationalizes it as another life lesson and move forward. I have alot of shoes and accessories and I might come off as a princess (well I do lets be honest) but thats on the outside, on the inside my character doesn't allow for snobby attitudes. That honesty is one of the highest valued attributes I will give and I expect to be returned and the minute that honesty is not present, I turn and walk away. As a volunteer, I am passionate about the groups and events I support and any man in my life needs to at least respect my philanthropy and volunteering, I'm a packaged deal. He replied!! I won't share his list but it seemed very reasonable and after a week or so of honest discussions we decided to go out on a first date!
About a day or so before the date, I disclosed to him about this blog, thats the kind of honesty I give and expect in return, and with the disclosure, I told him if he wanted to cancel our date after reading it, no hard feelings. I also told him if he didn't want me to write about him all he had to do is say so. Obviously, he didn't tell me no so here we are....About an hour after I told him about the blog, I heard back from him. He was absolutely shocked, couldn't believe the shenanigans and told me he felt like apologizing on behalf of all those nutty guys. He was even more excited to meet me and that he would plan the entire night including picking me up from my house like a man should, and that all I needed to do was "wear something neon and no flip-flops". Intrigued, I relented, any man that was willing to put up with me after being this "real" and he didn't have anything that seemed too out of the ordinary in his footlocker either, just the typical divorced with shared custody of the kids set up, he deserved a bending in the rules to come pick me up.
What a great night! The entire night was planned out, a surprise everywhere we went! Starting with sushi for dinner, conversation flowed easily in person as it did when we first met online. We toasted to each other and some of our great successes we'd had that week, one of which was that his divorce had just gotten finalized 3 days before--Ok, so I guess honesty comes out in different shades of grey, he'd told me when we met that he was already divorced but, potato/pota-to. We head over to a strip mall where an underground glow in the dark indoor putt-putt range was located. The black lights inside turned everything you wore neon and my striped tank top glowed like Roudolph's red nose! We were clearly two of maybe 8 people over the age of 16 but it still was a great time and we showed those teens that we were tough competition! 18 rounds worked up an appetite and he took me to an ice cream parlor where we sat and talked, got adopted by the double date at the table next to us who engaged us in a conversation about DJ Tiesto and started playing some of his mixes on their phones. John and I passed looks at each other, that moment when you realize your date just got hijacked by 4 teenagers, we just laughed and continued on with the evening.
When he took me home, he walked me to my door like a gentleman to make sure I got in ok. Chivalry is not dead and I encourage any man that thinks its too old fashioned to follow it, to go to their local retirement center and get a refresher lesson from someone who courted in the 1950's and 60s, trust me on this one fellas. That sweet, silent but hopeful moment you get when you say good night can go so many ways, theres the "well I had a good time, thank you" followed by a hug, a high five or a handshake (all from personal experience). This will more than likely tell the other person in multiple ways that you had a great night but lets leave it at that. The move I made sent a clear message, "I had a great time tonight, thank you for planning the whole evening, it was absolutely perfect!" and I went in for the hug that turned into a make-out session, right there on my front porch! I am not ashamed to admit that I kissed a boy and I liked it!
Lesson learned here? 1. Chivalry is not dead! Gentlemen, its ok to learn some of those social graces and Ladies, please please please do not discourage these gestures! You can still be an independent woman of today and allow a man to open a door for you. 2. If you take a chance on being the real you and someone doesn't go running for the hills, they are worth your time to get to know better and send a message that you'd like a second date! Get out there and get real, better to be the real you from the very beginning than present a glossy version of yourself. From my experience, not being the real you only creates a relationship built on false pretenses and if you're looking for long term, glossy won't last long.
Message was received and there was another date planned with John on the books the next day and that campers, is for Part II...stay tuned!
~ Optimistically, Yours
