Challenge: The Tightie Whitie v. Cold Cream 2 Step

A recent chat with a fellow optimist brought to our attention a theory, although probably based on a foundation of one too many sips from the inspiration pool, it made good sense that in order to really put this theory to the test, it should be shared with the cosmos.  The theory, what if, instead of going through the song and dance of dating, making sure we always appear cool, calm and collected, using our best behavior and most seductive perfume or cologne, what if all our first dates were more realistic? What I mean by this is, instead of going out to coffee or sushi and impressing the guy or gal with your extensive knowledge of red wines of Spain, what if first dates took place on the couch of your place, in front of the television over a bowl of cereal and your hair up in bun, his still hasn't been combed since the day before?

For heavensake, don't think I'm crazy here, its a valid theory right? What if the 2 step dance we do when we're dating no longer was a dance full of questions, maybes, speculations, etc and you stepped outside the box on a first date? I'd be willing to give this theory a try and wear my pj bottoms, flip flops and tank top to grab coffee at Starbucks at 7am on a date if I thought being the real me was a good idea right off the bat. I mean lets be serious, I am gorgeous but this kind of effortlessly beautiful look takes a lot of work, especially at 7am to grab coffee! lol, What if I hit it off with my dream man this way, rather than being on my best behavior in the beginning? That way he's not shocked when somewhere down the line, when we move in together and he realizes that yes, it takes me a few days to get to the dishes in my sink and yes, laundry will sit dirty in the hamper for almost 2 weeks before I consider touching it.

Campers, lets put it all out there, strip away those social boundaries that I know I'm pushing, but lets stop and think about the logistics. Your first date with your guy or girl, you were nervous, probably went through 8 wardrobe changes (yes even men do the same thing!) and worried that you picked the wrong ideal-first-date location and when it came time for the actual date, wanted to ensure a 2nd date so you were both on your best behavior, pretending you liked the movie or really enjoyed the concert when you're really thinking "I wonder what my buddy Ryan is doing on his X-box. I can't wait to log on and check out his score v. mine". Ladies, the same thing, I'm sure that spicy tuna roll wasn't what you'd rather have had for dinner but you were brought up with manners and tried it anyways...secretly wishing that you'd put your foot down and ordered a safer Philadelphia sushi roll.

We do this silly dance of pretending to be on our best behaviors early on when dating someone new. Sometimes when it doesn't work out, someone or both are disappointed because he's more comfortable in front of the x-box in his tightie whities. Yes guys, she will go to bed with cold cream on her face---meaning no midnight nookie because she needs to marinade overnight for that gorgeous effortless glow in the a.m.  So why put the pretense out there and do this dance?

Why not on your next first date with someone new, be silly and suggest meeting for coffee in your pj's at Starbucks (they won't care what you wear as long as you're fully clothed) and just relax and have a good time? I double dog dare the ladies to not change their outfit 8 times and wear on your first date what you'd wear shopping with one of your girlfriends at the mall...after a big lunch (ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!) Guys, do us ladies a favor, and man up, if you start the dating relationship by opening doors, then make sure you do that forever for your lady. Don't do it just until you've hooked her, then let up on the mystery and slink back into your video gaming Saturday afternoons after a few weeks. We all need our downtime and don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of good hygiene habits and cleaning up once in awhile but what could it hurt to start a relationship almost in the middle and see if that makes a difference in how the relationship works out? Couldn't be any worse than the pretending at the beginning that you always have perfect lipstick applied or don't fart after a 16oz beer....lets get real and see where it leads! 

My challenge to all of you optimists out there or maybe just the dare devils, your next first date with someone, consider putting this theory to work and then let me know how you fared in the situation, I want to know if this extremely insane but possibly genious theory fares. Plus consider this...if your first date works out into a 2nd, 3rd, etc, maybe you've just cracked the code on your perfect soul mate and they really DO like you for who you are: beer farts, tightie whities and cold cream! :)

Swimming with the Fishes

After a short hiatus from the blog, I am back with another delightful little narrative to tickle your funny bone, or at least kill a few minutes while you wait for your barista to make your favorite double tall non-fat mocha with no whip nonsense (come, a little whip is ok people). I digress.

I emailed *Nate after seeing a quirky and fun little personals posting he put out asking if anyone was interested in checking out a movie that I too was interested in seeing. Unfortunately I was a day late from when he wanted some company but I emailed him regardless and asked if the movie was any good. We got to chatting and soon we found ourselves on a date by the end of the first day, you guessed it, watching a movie, a comedy that although it didn't get high reviews, we both found hilarious! He walked me to my car afterwards and I found myself in a makeout session in the parking lot like we were 17!

A quick run down on Nate, he is a swimmer from Iowa that still to this day holds state championship records for his divisions (yes, thats plural) and even in his 30's still has the long, lean swimmer body. Close to his family, loves his niece--who has him wrapped around her little finger, educated, bright blue eyes, comfortable and easy personality, we got along swimmingly, pardon the pun, so it was no wonder we got into a great rhythm after just a few dates. Before we know it, a few months have gone by and yes, I had to ask the question of where this relationship was going. His honest response and I have to give him credit here was basically he wanted to only date. Bummer, of course I saw something special in him and was hoping for more so try as I might, I couldn't convince myself to stay knowing we were both on different paths.

A month goes by and right after Thanksgiving imagine my surprise when I see a text from Nate asking how my holiday was and that he missed me. Honestly, I am pretty amazing so who wouldn't right?  We had a good chat about getting back together and I made it clear I wasn't going to budge, I wanted a relationship so if he was serious, lets give this another go. He agreed and we moved forward which was really great. We fell back into a great rhythm but it was better and no, I wasn't kidding myself, it really was better the second time around. I'm a casual painter and one day he was looking at a few that I have hanging in my home, commenting on one in particular that he liked. He asked if I would consider doing one for him?  Sure I say and for the first time ever, I actually was excited to give a very personal gift to a guy I was dating.  Another first for me, I actually was dating a guy on Valentines day. Nate and I celebrated it together and I was on cloud 9! Could it be that all my dating disasters have finally come to an end and this one was actually going to work out?

About a week after Valentines day, en route to the office one morning I get a text message from Nate: "Hey so I met another girl and we've been dating for awhile and I want to make it work with her so this is gonna have to end."  Whatcha talkin 'bout Willis?! I thought he was kidding, my stomach is turning, I am flushed and I can't believe my eyes...am I really getting a break-up "text"? Anyone remember on Sex and the City, when Carrie got a posted-note from Burger "I can't do this, sorry" yes, I was having a Carrie moment and wanted to throw up! Seriously, who the heck breaks up via text message?!

Of course I tried calling him to find out what the heck was going on and after a few hours he tells me the whole story that he'd met this other girl at a party, they'd been dating for a few weeks and he wanted to get serious with her. Awesome, so my first thought is, he's admitting he's been cheating, he really wasn't interested in having a relationship with me and the last part that really made my head spin was--Oh god, I have to go get tested because lord knows where this girl has been and what she might have! That part immediately replaced the broken heart with rage and anger. Thankfully everything turned out ok but for that period of time while I was waiting to find out the results, that was absolutely horrible.

In the process of this break up, I decided that it was only fair that I get back the painting I had made for him as a gift. Why let the bastard keep it when I could sell it and use the funds for a night out with the girls or a small token of bling for my ears? I called the next morning and no answer (surprise surprise) but I did get a text message back that he was upset because his new trampy girl friend was over and didn't know why I would be calling so early in the morning. Uh oh! Looks like Nate failed to mention he'd been dating me while he was dating her. Oops! I told him to be honest with her and that I was coming by that afternoon to pick up my painting. He said ok he'd be home and I could come pick it up. Arriving at his place at the time we selected he was mysteriously not there. I tried to arrange another pick up time, failed attempt #2. Finally I said I was coming over on a Sunday afternoon and regardless if he was home or not, just put it on the front porch. I couldn't figure it out, why was he so shady about giving me back my painting? Its like he wanted a daily visual reminder of our relationship on his wall...for his new girlfriend to see? Inappropriate. My conscience got the best of me and I decided to change my attitude about this trollop that seduced Nate away from me. In reality, she probably isn't a tramp, she just happened to be dating a guy who was one which is why I'd hate for her to ask where he'd gotten the painting. Either he tells her its from me (which would probably make any normal woman creeped out) or lies to her, committing the same dirty deed to her that he did to me.

Needless to say I got the painting back and if anyone is interested, I'm taking offers on a 3'x6' painting that I'd love to have to go a home that deserves it! A good lesson learned that regardless of how a man treats a woman (or vice versa) its not in any ones best interest to carry that relationship baggage with you into your next relationship. Second lesson, always get your stuff back because its too creepy to know that part of you is still lingering in the life of a trampy ex (aka Nate)!

*name has been changed to protect the not so innocent although I did consider putting in his real name just because of his dirty deeds.

Sushi in Space!

Happy New Year 2012! Its been awhile since my last dating disaster but I figured I owed myself a break from the nonsense during the holidays. Never fear, I was able to squeeze one last one in before the ball dropped in 2011.

*Jeff, another great guy who was employed at some type of aeronautical company (Boeing?), just bought a house with a pool, is close with his family, sense of humor and glasses...ah I have to admit I'm a sucker for a guy that wears glasses. We chatted via text and emailed for about a month before he called me while I was in Seattle visiting for the holidays. So funny! So sassy! He told me he has weekly meetings with NASA for a project he was working on for the quarter--impressive! The fact that I've hit the nerd/comedian jackpot I couldn't resist accepting a date for sushi the night I got back into Phoenix. The next afternoon I got a text from him "I'm so embarrassed, it looks like I called you last night when I got home from Ra (sushi place in Arizona). I don't remember anything we talked about". So now we know where his sassy came from lol, he'd gotten some liquid courage at dinner. I told him he asked me to sushi when I got back into town. He was excited about this idea and yes, he'd still like to do that if I was game. At this point, why not? What have I got to lose?

A week later and a few adjustments to the date, we were now going to make our own sushi instead of having it done for us. Neither of us had ever done it so it'd be a fun first date adventure. I land in Phoenix and head over to his house --- Yes, I'm breaking my own rule of "No first dates at his house or yours" but after over a month of every day communications and come on...he works with NASA...they screen their people right? He's got government clearance, figured it was alright.  He shows me around his house and I notice, he doesn't have a tv...anywhere! Not even a radio. He apparently gave them all away because he doesn't believe theres anything good on tv and too much propaganda on the radio. Um, ok, awkward so maybe we should have gone to the restaurant instead? It was so quiet that I felt I had to keep talking just to fill the silence.

When you are cooking, a good rule of thumb is to follow the directions and recipe, especially if its something you've never made before. Between the 2 of us there are 4 college degrees so you'd think theres enough smarts enough to do this. Negative ghost rider. I tried to follow the directions on cooking the rice, but that plan was foiled when he took the bag from me and poured the entire package into a pot full of a nondescript amount of water. The equation is simple: only 2 of us plus an entire package of rice to feed a family of 14 = shenanigans! Looks like our cooking adventure is on! Why measure 3 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar to the pot when you can dump the entire bottle into the rice? Before I knew it, rice was on the ground and the counter tops.  I cut up the tuna and cucumbers for the insides. He says "I'm gonna cook that tuna. I'm not gonna eat that raw". Sushi is normally raw for those of you out there that weren't aware (didn't he say he'd been out to Ra to eat sushi?). He's going to cook it? I move onto the avocado, he starts to make me a drink. Starting with a travel coffee mug, ice, filled 2/3 full vodka and topped off with blended mango. He called it a mojito. Hm...aren't mojitos normally made with rum? Shortly after he starts stirring, keeping the conversation going I hear a crash! "Mojito" is all over the counter top and floor. Most people would be embarrassed, not this guy. I grabbed the trash can and began to scoop the liquid as much as I could into it, catching the look on the look of horror on his face while I was cleaning. I jokingly ask "Is it bothering you I'm putting this into the garbage?" his reply "yeah, I was gonna try and save that". Really?

Finally its time to make some sushi after the disaster drink is remade (again, with 2/3 full of vodka) and we go to town. I have to admit, that part was kinda fun. Sure, it was unusual to see a grown man dip his sushi into a bowl full of wasabi mayo, sure his 4" diameter roll was more the size of a sushi log and sure he finished the majority of the drink he made for me (apparently he didn't have any other glasses so I was able to snag a 2 sips)...but I had a good time. After finishing our roll/logs we talk about potential paintings he could hang on his wall. I dabble in the arts and he'd wanted my opinion. We go from room to room and as I notice we leave each room the lights are all getting turned off until finally, only the living room light was on, dimly. He lays on the couch half hanging on, half off and says "come here" and gives me his Bette Davis eyes. Ah ha! I know this move and no way is this going to turn into an after dinner bootie call. I think that handle of vodka he'd been drinking finally kicked in. I gave him a high five, said thank you for the fun adventure of sushi making but I had work the next day and hey, didn't he? I was outta there in 60 seconds with a kiss on the cheek and quick hug-it-out.

About a week later he texted me and wanted to go on another date, maybe we could watch the football game together? I asked him if he remembered our last date and what turns out, he only remembered eating sushi. He had no recollection of the rest! I asked him if he had tickets to the game (he has no tv), that we'd be going in person. Oh, we were going to go to his parent's place to watch the game. Say what?! Ok, sorry NASA, but I think you need to up your screening process cause this kid certainly needs a reality check. He blacks out, drunk dials, hates tv but can't live without it for his football fix and sorry, wasabi mayo for sushi?  Really?  Parents on the 2nd date? I'm calling a flag on the play, 5 yard penalty and incomplete pass on Jeff.

Lesson here is: even if they have government screening, guys or girls...doesn't mean they are date worthy. If the person doesn't remember the last date you were on with them let alone a phone conversation, chances are they need to turn in their Bette Davis eyes for a trip to the Betty Ford Center.  Be safe and make good life choices campers!

*Changed his name to protect the wayward.

An A-Fair to Remember

Its October, and after a few weeks I like to re-evaluate my dating situation. The fact that every few weeks I have to do this in the first place is probably enough fodder for another blog but honestly, that sounds exhaustingly ridiculous to over analyze that circus and try to make sense of it all. How about we keep it simple and leave the complexity in my head? The voices in there are pretty great at hashing it out on their own lol

Back to reality, on this last reevaluation, it occurred to me that maybe I'm only attracted to a certain type and maybe stepping outside the box is what I need to do to shake things up? Billy and I began to chat and he definitely had an air of mystery about him. I took a chance to see where it got me....a first date at the fair!  Background on Billy, he is a hipster plain and simple. He plays the drums in a ska band (no idea if its old skool or new skool ska...there is actually a difference!), works construction, mid 30's, doesn't drink, owns his home and has a few different vehicles including a vintage motorcycle that he rebuilt on his own. Think James Dean and you've got him!

Its been a few years since I'd been to the fair due to a few homicides and dead bodies popping up on the fairgrounds. I was excited to not only go once again when it was safe but also with Billy. After postponing our date from 6pm to 7pm because he had to work late, we agreed to meet at a local shopping area so we'd only have to pay for one car parking fee. He drove and so far so good, even opened his truck door for me. Chivalry is not dead! We near the entrance of the parking lot and he thinks $10 is too much so we keep looking for a better spot. We ended up parking (for free) about a mile away under the freeway by a bar he plays at.

Billy: Is this too far?
Me: Uh, yeah a little.

He parks anyway. Its dark, not well lit and we passed a few cagey characters on our walk to the front door of the fair. What was I saying about chivalry?  He pays for my ticket only after I start to get out my wallet. Billy: Oh I got this.
Me: You sure?
Billy: Yeah, I asked you to the fair. Oh I can't wait for fry bread!
Me: Thanks!

We hit the stables first where all the cows, lamas (I got to pet one, very cool!) and the petting zoo area. The next barn was all about the pigs and prize winning roosters along with, and yes its a weird combination but less than 20 feet away from the roosters, live boxing! We sat and watched for less than a minute before he says:
Billy: Oh I'm so hungry for some fry bread!
Me: Do you want to go? We can go now, I just wanted to see a bit of the match. Lets go. 
Billy: Naw, lets stay.
Me: really its ok.
At the end of the round, we left for fry bread. Once we found the stand we ordered our toppings.
Me: Let me get dinner since you paid for our tickets?
Billy: Naw, I got this.
He hands the lady the money, closes his wallet and says to me:
Billy: Well, I'm tapped out. (Um, ok, awkward?!)

After finishing dinner we head over to walk around the fair, see the stands, the people waiting in line for the rides. That night Snoop Dogg was performaning so you can imagine the random mix that showed up that evening. We stumble upon the side show attractions! "Step right up! See the worlds fattest pig! See the worlds largest alligator and smallest horse, no its not a pony!" Sensing that this might be kinda fun, I sprung for our tickets to see these amazing attractions. I'd say it was definitely worth it! We keep moving because Billy wants to see the trains, an attraction that I'm not sure if its permanent or just for the fair but it consists of roughly 5 grown men, locked in a room with windows on 2 sides, operating 5-6 model trains in their model town complete with model scenery and tiny model people. I have to admit, its not something I was looking forward to checking out but I'm glad I did, the detail is amazing! We did however, stay a bit longer than the novelty of it warranted. As we leave, I see a ladies room and excuse myself.
Me: I'll be right back.
Billy: Oh yeah, I need to go to. Will you hold my drink for me?
Me: Uh, ok. (he starts to hand over his drink)
Billy: Oh wait, you can go first, then you can hold my drink.
I was in and out in a flash and when I got back he'd finished his drink and apparently already gone to the bathroom. Less than 5 minutes I was gone!

Billy: Oh man! I want a churro, we should go get one.
Me: Lets go find you one. (I was still really full from dinner and not a fan of eating after 7pm).
We weren't successful with finding churros so he settled on an ice cream sundae. He ate while we searched for the paintings, which he said would be displayed in one of the stadium centers. We never did find it but definitely got a workout looking for it all over the fair. I'd never heard of paintings at the fair, from how he had described it, what you'd find at the Phoenix Art Museum. We did find alot of hemp, patchouli and organically grown home goods and clothing. By this time its roughly 10pm and we head towards the exit. But wait! You are wondering, didn't you ride any rides while you were at the fair? Isn't that the point? Go on the rides, eat deep fat fried oreos and try to win a stuffed bear for your lady? The closest thing we got to the rides is this picture of the ferris wheel: 

                               

On our walk back to the car, past the new group of cagey people I thought to myself, he's a really nice guy and probably nervous but on the other hand, that old saying "opposites attract" just isn't something that works well for this girl. He'd be a great friend but on the chemistry level of hot and heavy romance, I think we both dance to the beat of a different drum. Lesson to all you crazy boys and girls out there, if you try to date your opposite, you never know what you're in for. You can either have a great time or rather let the other person lead you around all night, looking for trains and churros. And never, ever say to someone regardless of the situation (date, work function, vacation) "Well, I'm tapped out". Last I checked, its just not classy.

Spring Cleaning in the Fall

Computers, blackberries, zip drive, iPad, iPhone, I just don't know! Call me old fashioned but with how quickly electronic gadgets keep evolving with the latest and greatest, I kinda miss the old days when people used home phones. Try and find one...chances are you're more likely to win the lottery than find a land line in someones house. I'm a little slow on keeping up with Electronic Jones' but at least I'm trying.

I fought for a long time, a close friend and past roommate can attest, she had to talk me into getting a cell phone. Eventually she won and my first baby step was with her old Nokia which eventually got passed along to my mother. What can I say, we are a recycling family. Long story short, as time went on and I stored numbers of people in my contacts list, I got creative with the naming function. For example, I mark some of good friends: Lady, Hot Sharon, My Nick!, Quiet Riot, Ra R. is Creepy, Trent the PT, etc. It personalizes a special funny memory or recognition of how they are part of my life. For the men....I always marked them appropriately: Travis POF, Original Craig, Kevin the Runner, No Commitment Rob...things that would remind me of which guy he was. Let me drop this nugget of information on you before we move on, I don't juggle men. Its normally either one guy I'm dating (or just go on 1 date) then nothing...so onward to the next one. 

Now that I have a fancy iPhone, I decided that the same contact list that transferred over is the same one I've had for the past 3 years and I couldn't even remember who "Dave the Sailor" was...its time for a spring cleaning! I went through my entire phone list...good grief! There was someone to delete in almost every letter in my directory alphabet! 17 in total got trashed! It felt so good to kick that baggage out! Of course, I ran through the list of "Do not answer #1, Do not answer #2...." theres about 11 of them unfortunately because they are crazy men or heart breakers that well...I had to keep them so I know its them and don't fall into that trap anymore by answering a number I don't recognize. No such thing as blocking these ones...if its taken me until 2011 to get email on my phone....well any more than that is just too advanced for me lol. Plus I figure if I ever run into a real douche bag I could always give them one of these guy's numbers instead of mine right? nah that's horrible! Even I wouldn't really do that but...I'd think about it. :)

So here I am, 17 guys from the past 3 years, gone from my life. Its like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, very liberating! Yes, I do recognize that that's a big number but as a friend pointed out, its roughly only 5.5 men a year. For a single gal...that's probably about right. Moral of the story, you can't move forward if you can't let go of the past, even if you didn't realize you were still wandering around with it in your back pocket!

So, who's got some early spring cleaning to do? :)

Brazen Brett

Evaluating this year as its come to pass, you'd think reading over these blog posts that I'm too picky. I might be, I might also be safe. Why is that? Cause you never know when a guy like *Brett will come along and really "go there".

*Brett is from out of town and apparently I've become a magnet for the "newly arrived to Phoenix". We began chatting and things seemed to be working out well at first. Texting and messaging, figured when he got to the Valley and settled in we could go out for dinner and drinks. Brett is handsome, rugged, Midwestern type. Solid muscles and kind eyes, and yes you shouldn't judge a book by its cover but I couldn't help it, he seems all around a pretty great catch. October was his month to move to Phoenix so near the end of September he was asking me a bit more about places to check out. He started asking me periodically in our chats about my neighborhood, if I was near to the freeway, grocery stores, mall, etc. Kinda random but I am slow when it comes to picking up on things until its right there, sitting in my lap and its too late to do anything about it. I should have known with those questions, something was off.

About a week before his move date he and I are chatting

Me: We could go to Ra in Scottsdale if you like sushi.
Brett: Yeah that sounds good. Have you been to Cocomo Joe's? Is that near you?
Me: No, its about 45 mins from my place.
Brett: Oh ok, what about your neighborhood? Is there someplace close to you?
Me: Yeah but its pretty far for happy hour.
Brett: I could stay with you :)
Me: Stay with me? Like overnight? I don't think thats a good idea since we haven't met in person before.
Brett: Or I could move in with you :)
Brett: I could give you a great massage every night :)
Me: ......
Me: ......
Me: (light bulb goes off) I don't think thats a good idea. I'm not looking for a roommate and I don't invite strangers back to my home I've met off the internet. I'm thinking you're looking for a relationship that I'm not able to provide. I do wish you luck!

Blocked him from contacting me on the website and from chat. I pray to baby Jesus in a tuxedo shirt that he doesn't remember he has my number and tries to text me.

I met this guy off of a dating website...not roommatefinder.com YIKES! I have to ask, what type of person thinks its ok to move in with a complete stranger in another state after meeting them briefly on a dating website? All I saw was the news on the first night he'd moved in "Local Single Girl Murdered by New Roommate" byline: Looking for a date and instead got a crazy roommate. Memorial Services will be held next week".  Honestly it could have gone the other way, I could have been a female serial killer and we'd never hear from him again.

An old and reliable rule of thumb from our childhood days: DO NOT let a stranger into your house!

*Brett is not really his name but its been changed to keep this kid's identity safe, cause at least one of us is bright enough to keep that in mind lol.

GroundHog Day Ray

It happens, sometimes you cruise through these dating websites and many people are on more than just one to increase their odds of finding true love...so sometimes its likely you see the same people over and over again. Maybe you chat with one guy on dating website #1 and forget and start up a chat with him a few months later on website #2 because you remember seeing him but maybe the conversation died out or one of you lost interest or just plain forgot. While reintroducing yourself...maybe the same conversation repeats itself too. Its to be expected right?

How about when you're on a hot streak and you're carrying on conversations with more than one person? Yeah yeah yeah, don't judge...you all know if you've been out there dating that at times theres more than one you're trying on for size, either chatting or having dinner with, whatever floats your boat. I'm not very good at juggling multitudes of men and honestly I try to only talk to one at a time so they are getting 100% of my attention. I figure its only fair right? So when I see the tail-tell signs that theres a guy who is juggling, their behavior is pretty true to the following: asking the same questions over and over, forgetting we discussed a topic that's pretty unique and re-initiating it, take a really long time to answer a simple question either via text or chat, or if they are talking to you and asks a question that is clearly on your profile you gotta wonder "did he just look at my pictures and not read the content?" I got one for ya...Meet Ray.

Ray initiated a chat and it started out pretty simple, apparently he's quite athletic, hails from the Midwest in a small town and we begin with the normal how-do-you-do's. After a few days I noticed he kept firing questions at me like we were in an interview or he was getting these questions off of some "topic/discussion" list. Whats your favorite food? Whats your favorite movie? If you could have one thing in the world what would it be? On and on and on. Of course these questions did the trick, we would have conversations from each question but then it became a little weird because the conversation about my favorite food crept up again. If you know me...its vodka tonic which yes technically is not a food item but if it comes with a lime doesn't that count? So when he asked me yet again, what my favorite food was and I thought my answer was pretty unique to warrant that it'd stick in his mind. Nope.

Then he asked me what kind of clothes I like to wear...more and more random questions so a flag is starting to come up here. Great, another guy who is creepster and compiling some kind of file on me and my likes and dislikes. Great, just great. So I told him a very vague "I dress for the weather, its Arizona". A few days later, asks me the exact same question again and I decide to call him on it.

Me: "You must be talking to quite a few girls because you asked me that already."

Ray: "I used to play football back in high school and college and I got hit in the head alot, sorry".

OK I feel like a jerk but at the same time it does clear up why I keep having the same conversations with the guy and why, before moving to Arizona, was living with his parents still. He needs supervision and something tells me he went onto a dating website to find a local replacement to what he had back home. A very smart move on his part but at the same time, really? I don't want to be a caregiver, I want to date someone and hopefully have a 50/50 relationship. I would have to worry about him getting from place to place, interacting with others, etc. Too stressful in my opinion. I feel bad for the guy but its just not the right way to go about finding your other half. So I try to turn the conversation around, jerk that I am...

Me: "So where did you go to college?"

Ray: "John Carroll"

Me: "Where is that?"

Ray: "Its a university"

Me: "Sorry, what I meant to ask was where is it located geographically?"

another exchange:

Ray: "So whats your ethnicity?"

Me: "Sorry? What do you mean?"

Ray: "What do you look like?"

Me: "Pretty sure the photos on my profile are a good indication. Did you have a chance to look at them?" **Side note, I know you can't look at someone and say they are a certain ethnicity or background but I'm pretty sure I'd never be mistaken for any other group other than Caucasian.

My suggestion is if you get a bad feeling like the person you're talking to isn't remembering alot of what you're saying call them out on it. Either they are juggling too many other potential mates that they can't keep you straight from the rest of the pack or they might have a head injury. Either way, don't dance around it cause it'll get awkward real fast if you do and theres no turning back.

*Ray's real name was changed to protect his own identity although I'm not sure he'd realize it was him I was writing about if he stumbled across this blog.