On the Dating Boat that floats on the sea, Daphne, a passenger, crew member and confidante of mine, we have had our share of bumpy, rough waters. Luckily, as work our way up from deck hand to 1st mate, we've been able to spot some of those rough waters to help avoid any extra turbulence. A first impression is really all that we get meeting new people, rarely a 2nd chance is ever given so you want to make sure your best foot is always put forward and when in doubt, double check with a friend to make sure your best foot really is where it should be. What do I mean by that?
As Daphne and I have been trading war stories about the "men" we've been encountering, a prevalent theme is popping up, and thats that there are too many men and yes, some women, that put the time and effort into their dating profile that might take one to defrost a frozen meal (right Herbert?) Profile photos of men pictured with their wife from their wedding day, now they are divorcing, he's telling us he's ready to get out there! How about the guy who never smiles, you never know if he's really got all his teeth (deal breaker for me if theres some missing). A personal favorite is the guy thats pictured sitting on the toilet, reading the newspaper with his sunglasses on...is it really that bright in the bathroom while you poop to protect your eyes?
Don't get me wrong, every girl has a standard list of things they want their man to possess, sense of humor is one of the big ones, next to employment and no baggage but theres a point when you can hit a wall on humor before you just get creepy. Here are a few that we've taken from one of the latest, greatest dating apps. Notice their ages as well, you'd think they'd have enough commonsense at this age to know better right? Well...
Nothing says unavailable like a profile picture of a guy who's already married
posted on a dating website. Obviously these two guys did not have a friend double check their account before publishing.
Oddly enough, this is a married couple that approached me for a potential polygamy opportunity. I don't judge anyone's personal preferences but if the person you're contacting IS NOT into what you are, please don't reach out, its just awkward and you won't convince them to change their mind. Why would you want them to change their mind anyways?
A group photo from 1987 where its unclear which feathered head is yours, makes it a tough call.
Zak, I love his taste in music but I honestly think this is either a joke gone too far or just plain creepy...and who is taking the picture?? Oh dear, really?
As Daphne put it best, a tattoo like this indicates he's made more than a few poor life choices in his day.
MJ, a serial killer has better hand writing and looks less scary that you do here, come on man! This is the equivalent of the Gargamel inviting the Smurfs over for tea and to promise not to cook them in a stew!
Yes gentlemen, I'd like to encourage you to put your best foot forward which means, let the intended audience clearly know what you're looking for, a little about yourself, don't intentionally creep anyone out (ie: if your mother saw your profile would she be proud of you or check you into a psychiatric clinic?) and make sure that you're approaching people that have similar interests. Its ok to smile!
Ladies, you're not off the hook here either! Duck face is the same thing as letting a guy know that you're so 2009 and living in the past of what's sexy. I know I've made the duck face myself (lesson learned) but take it from me, its not sexy and its ok to let this pose go. Pictures of you in lingerie, bathroom selfies in questionable lighting, boobs hanging out, not being honest about what you're looking for, leading a guy on and of course, the favorite "Oh I can change him" attitude when you're meeting a potential mate will only keep you spinning on your hamster wheel. And replying to guys like the above pictured will only get you as far as filing a temporary restraining order because hey, no one wants to get murdered right? Ask yourself the same question "if your mother saw your profile, would she be proud that she took 9 months to cook you her in belly only to have you end up like this?" Yeah, stings a little if you realize you've gotta go change your dating profile now huh?
Lesson to be learned here, if you or the person you're interested in looks like they only put 5 minutes in putting their profile together, chances are thats all he or she will put into really getting to know who you are as a person. No really, don't argue with me on this, its a reality. Also, since we only get 1 first shot at a good first impression, make sure you're putting your best foot forward and only investing in getting to know a person thats done the same in return. If someone is willing to put themselves out there with reasonable information and expectations like you have, chances are that their best foot forward next to your best foot forward will be a great pair to man the deck on the Dating Boat! Who knows, you might find your First Mate after all in the process!
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