You know how history repeats itself? Like when neon was once super popular in the 1980s and then it made a roaring comeback in the past year or so? Or it was cool to smoke like Camel Joe, then it was horrible because we discovered it caused cancer...but now they have smokeless cigarettes and the marketing companies are trying to make it sauve to smoke (boo!) Well this girl, despite her better judgement fell prey to peer pressure and after so many people around me suggested to try out another dating website (literally have to use all fingers and 4 toes to count how many I've been on!) here I am again!
This time, instead of being cheap and having a free account, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet, I paid for a temporary 3 month subscription hoping that in that time frame, if the marketing hoopla really lived up to its expectations I wouldn't need to be on there much longer. Within minutes I am matched up to several men from all over the valley...ok maybe only 6 in the first round but hey thats better than a slow night at a local dive bar right? One caught my fancy, a cute blonde haired, bright blue eyed hunk that lived within 5 miles of me! 6'3", never married, has 2 puppies, college athlete and swimmer that likes to cook and is looking for a "partner in life and crime". Our profiles matched up 87% which is pretty fair because you don't want to be 100% exactly the same, then you're too much alike and its awkward.
He contacted me first with a "wink", I reply back with a hello, nice profile and we're off! We chatted several times back and forth but then I noticed things started to get a little weird when the conversation went like this:
Matt: thats cool. you looking for a donor?
Me: a donor? well its always nice to have someone donate to a local charity or cause. what interests you?
Matt: do you want kids?
Me: of course! what about you?
Matt: absolutely! with you!
Me: well, if they got your eyes and my mischief, of course lol jk!
Matt: well i'm gonna put it out there, are you ready for a child? are you open to a child outside of a relationship?
Me: yes i'm ready for a child although a relationship first is better lol
Matt: you got any naughty pics?
Me: honestly, lets not start off like that ok?
Matt: ok, we had diff things in mind in the baby part, my apologies...starting to gather that we had diff things in mind all together ;) Its ok though you seem really sweet and fun and its been nice talking to you ;)
Me: lol did i just miss a step? what did you have in mind?
Matt: not what you did obviously! lol no misstep and no worries. if you change your mind please let me know :)
Me: wait ok, seriously i think i missed something here...
Matt: I'm going to be very forward...I didn't contact you for a relationship or to date, I'd simply go out w a perfect 10, 25 year old for that...I contacted your because your red hair was a huge turn on and I thought you might be open to a some ongoing mature adult fun...I also saw that you were 34 and def wanted kids s I also was interested in being a sperm donor, obviously details would need to be discussed...I got the vibe that you're looking for a man to settle down with, thats cool and I completely respect that, but that man isn't me...Hope thats not to honest!!!! :)
Me: Guessing I'm not a 10 for you, so thank for your honesty and I do wish you and Tessa [one of his dogs] all the best. Honestly if all I was looking for was a fb I wouldn't be on match. Thats not what this site is intended for but silly me and being selfish to want a relationship before a physical relationship. Good luck to you!
Yup...this all happened in less than 24 hours of having my profile up and active. I'll admit, I'm probably as naive as a church mouse in the Devil's den but seriously, this is the kind of thing I would expect from the dating pools of craigslist or plenty of phish. Needless to say I flagged this guy not because he offended me (takes more than that to rattle this girl's cage) but because he doesn't get the purpose of the site and after I had 2 other people review my profile to verify that there was nothing in it to indicate that I was looking for anything besides a lasting relationship. I added this in my "about me" section:
There is so much more to me than can fit in this little box so if you want to know more, please just ask. Who knows, if you're up to the challenge, you might just experience it first hand! Have a great day and I can't wait to meet you! PS, I am looking for a fun, loving and caring relationship, not just a one night stand or fwb situation, thanks!
Even after adding this last bit...I had 4 other offers similar to Matt's. I will keep trucking along but in the back of my head I keep reminding myself "Did I really pay to be approached this way? And for 3 solid months?" Oy vey! I'll keep ya'll updated! Anyone else going through something similar, please feel free to let me know and I'll post it for you :) Stay strong my single friends!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Miss Lonely Hearts and the Piranha in Shining Armor
Raise your hand if you are a perfect dater? You know to follow up with a 2nd date offer before the end of the first date, thank the other person for a great evening (even if a root canal was more fun), remember to make the 4th date as much fun as the 1st but with more silliness and on date #12 you know to send a text before he or she got home to say you were thinking about them. Still raising your hand? --great, go find someone to pat you on the back for a job well done. For those of you that didn't raise your hand, this post is especially for you. Please pay close attention because it took a very brave girl to give me the nod to share her story so YOU will know just how harsh getting a little lovin' over love can do to your next victim.
*Janie is in her late 20's, bright, ambitious, dream job, great family and friendship network to support her and her looks rival those of Jessica Alba. College educated, funny, seems to make friends extremely easily and if you put her in front of some karaoke, just try and stop her from belting out whatever you challenge her to, she's got a pretty decent voice, at least in my opinion. *She is blushing reading that last statement FYI. Like many of us in our 20s, 30s, 40s, well heck, it doesn't matter what age you are when you're hitting a dating slump, there is a point in our lives where we find ourselves lonely, wishing for something more. We leave our brains at the coat check and let our hearts and/or libidos make the decisions on the dance floor of life. Janie, looking for love in all the wrong places, unfortunately became the next victim, a Miss Lonely Hearts if you will.
Janie, through mutual friends, had met Knight in Shining Armor at a party who showed some interest in who she was and the things she liked. Our Knight asked all the right questions, said incredibly sweet things to her, funny and made her feel safe. At the end of the evening it had felt to her that they had spent an eternity together instead of just a couple of hours and Janie didn't want to say good night. Recognizing his prey was ready, it didn't take much before this Knight in Shining Armor went from charming to Piranha and he pounced! Walking her to her car, he made his move, a kiss good night that quickly progressed to 2nd base. Since they had both bypassed the coat check to pick up their brains, a quick trip back to his place, Janie and the Piranha had rounded 2nd headed straight for home plate! Score one for our two lonely hearts right?! Cuddling all night long until the sun came up, Janie thinks to herself, wow, thats not her normal behavior "but its ok, he really was into me and I like him too, so no harm done. We'll just build off this." Who is currently shaking their heads right now, sad that our misguided Miss Lonely Hearts has made a slight error in judgement?
After an awkward good morning and thanks for a great night, Piranha and Janie exchange numbers, he says he'll call. Day 1 goes by, he hasn't called. Day 2 goes by...still no call, maybe her phone is broken? Janie decides to send him a text, whats the harm right? Maybe he is busy?
Janie: Hey, hows your day?
Knight: Hey, good thanks
Janie: Hey so I was thinking about the other night, I really had a great time. I was thinking we should grab some dinner this week.
(an hour or two goes by)
Janie: Hey so what night you free for some dinner? :)
Knight: Oh yeah, hey kinda busy this week. Next week for sure!
Janie: Um ok
Who is still shaking their head? What we are seeing here of our dear Janie is the failure to recognize that she has fallen victim to the One Night Stand. Yes sir--(or madame, ladies pull this move on guys too!) you who failed to raise your hand earlier, you are probably finding yourself squirming in your seat because you know that at some point pulled a move like this because you weren't looking for love, just a little lovin'. You also know that those victims you leave behind, you do some damage to those lonely hearts and not everyone is lucky to have a great network of friends and family for support like Janie does. Even with her support system, she was devastated, felt foolish for being so trusting and unguarded which only spells trouble for the next guy who may genuinely want to be in a relationship with her. Mortified too that she allowed to put herself in that situation, she ran out and got herself tested to make sure everything was still "ok". Two thumbs down to our Piranha in Shining Armor, poor form sir. Also, a thumb down to Janie, it takes two to tango and apparently a half gallon of rocky road won't fix her trust issue she has just created for herself.
Whats our lesson today class? One night stands provide a fantastic retreat from reality but this fantasy can come with big consequences in the long run such as unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, money missing from your wallet or realizing you don't remember where your car is and don't know the address where you are to call a cab. Love is not the same as a little lovin', so do yourselves a favor my courageous lonely hearts out there, next time you find yourselves in a situation that might end up in an intimate adventure the first night you meet, go get your brain from the coat check. Your integrity, your physical health and your lonely heart will be so much better off by finding someone who wants to give you love over lovin'. Gentlemen, there are female piranhas...you see one, you turn to your closest wing man to run interference and go find yourself a lady worth your lonely heart. Good luck out there!
*Changed the name of my dear girl friend to protect her integrity, because thats what real girlfriends do!
*Janie is in her late 20's, bright, ambitious, dream job, great family and friendship network to support her and her looks rival those of Jessica Alba. College educated, funny, seems to make friends extremely easily and if you put her in front of some karaoke, just try and stop her from belting out whatever you challenge her to, she's got a pretty decent voice, at least in my opinion. *She is blushing reading that last statement FYI. Like many of us in our 20s, 30s, 40s, well heck, it doesn't matter what age you are when you're hitting a dating slump, there is a point in our lives where we find ourselves lonely, wishing for something more. We leave our brains at the coat check and let our hearts and/or libidos make the decisions on the dance floor of life. Janie, looking for love in all the wrong places, unfortunately became the next victim, a Miss Lonely Hearts if you will.
Janie, through mutual friends, had met Knight in Shining Armor at a party who showed some interest in who she was and the things she liked. Our Knight asked all the right questions, said incredibly sweet things to her, funny and made her feel safe. At the end of the evening it had felt to her that they had spent an eternity together instead of just a couple of hours and Janie didn't want to say good night. Recognizing his prey was ready, it didn't take much before this Knight in Shining Armor went from charming to Piranha and he pounced! Walking her to her car, he made his move, a kiss good night that quickly progressed to 2nd base. Since they had both bypassed the coat check to pick up their brains, a quick trip back to his place, Janie and the Piranha had rounded 2nd headed straight for home plate! Score one for our two lonely hearts right?! Cuddling all night long until the sun came up, Janie thinks to herself, wow, thats not her normal behavior "but its ok, he really was into me and I like him too, so no harm done. We'll just build off this." Who is currently shaking their heads right now, sad that our misguided Miss Lonely Hearts has made a slight error in judgement?
After an awkward good morning and thanks for a great night, Piranha and Janie exchange numbers, he says he'll call. Day 1 goes by, he hasn't called. Day 2 goes by...still no call, maybe her phone is broken? Janie decides to send him a text, whats the harm right? Maybe he is busy?
Janie: Hey, hows your day?
Knight: Hey, good thanks
Janie: Hey so I was thinking about the other night, I really had a great time. I was thinking we should grab some dinner this week.
(an hour or two goes by)
Janie: Hey so what night you free for some dinner? :)
Knight: Oh yeah, hey kinda busy this week. Next week for sure!
Janie: Um ok
Who is still shaking their head? What we are seeing here of our dear Janie is the failure to recognize that she has fallen victim to the One Night Stand. Yes sir--(or madame, ladies pull this move on guys too!) you who failed to raise your hand earlier, you are probably finding yourself squirming in your seat because you know that at some point pulled a move like this because you weren't looking for love, just a little lovin'. You also know that those victims you leave behind, you do some damage to those lonely hearts and not everyone is lucky to have a great network of friends and family for support like Janie does. Even with her support system, she was devastated, felt foolish for being so trusting and unguarded which only spells trouble for the next guy who may genuinely want to be in a relationship with her. Mortified too that she allowed to put herself in that situation, she ran out and got herself tested to make sure everything was still "ok". Two thumbs down to our Piranha in Shining Armor, poor form sir. Also, a thumb down to Janie, it takes two to tango and apparently a half gallon of rocky road won't fix her trust issue she has just created for herself.
Whats our lesson today class? One night stands provide a fantastic retreat from reality but this fantasy can come with big consequences in the long run such as unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, money missing from your wallet or realizing you don't remember where your car is and don't know the address where you are to call a cab. Love is not the same as a little lovin', so do yourselves a favor my courageous lonely hearts out there, next time you find yourselves in a situation that might end up in an intimate adventure the first night you meet, go get your brain from the coat check. Your integrity, your physical health and your lonely heart will be so much better off by finding someone who wants to give you love over lovin'. Gentlemen, there are female piranhas...you see one, you turn to your closest wing man to run interference and go find yourself a lady worth your lonely heart. Good luck out there!
*Changed the name of my dear girl friend to protect her integrity, because thats what real girlfriends do!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Challenge: The Tightie Whitie v. Cold Cream 2 Step
A recent chat with a fellow optimist brought to our attention a theory, although probably based on a foundation of one too many sips from the inspiration pool, it made good sense that in order to really put this theory to the test, it should be shared with the cosmos. The theory, what if, instead of going through the song and dance of dating, making sure we always appear cool, calm and collected, using our best behavior and most seductive perfume or cologne, what if all our first dates were more realistic? What I mean by this is, instead of going out to coffee or sushi and impressing the guy or gal with your extensive knowledge of red wines of Spain, what if first dates took place on the couch of your place, in front of the television over a bowl of cereal and your hair up in bun, his still hasn't been combed since the day before?
For heavensake, don't think I'm crazy here, its a valid theory right? What if the 2 step dance we do when we're dating no longer was a dance full of questions, maybes, speculations, etc and you stepped outside the box on a first date? I'd be willing to give this theory a try and wear my pj bottoms, flip flops and tank top to grab coffee at Starbucks at 7am on a date if I thought being the real me was a good idea right off the bat. I mean lets be serious, I am gorgeous but this kind of effortlessly beautiful look takes a lot of work, especially at 7am to grab coffee! lol, What if I hit it off with my dream man this way, rather than being on my best behavior in the beginning? That way he's not shocked when somewhere down the line, when we move in together and he realizes that yes, it takes me a few days to get to the dishes in my sink and yes, laundry will sit dirty in the hamper for almost 2 weeks before I consider touching it.
Campers, lets put it all out there, strip away those social boundaries that I know I'm pushing, but lets stop and think about the logistics. Your first date with your guy or girl, you were nervous, probably went through 8 wardrobe changes (yes even men do the same thing!) and worried that you picked the wrong ideal-first-date location and when it came time for the actual date, wanted to ensure a 2nd date so you were both on your best behavior, pretending you liked the movie or really enjoyed the concert when you're really thinking "I wonder what my buddy Ryan is doing on his X-box. I can't wait to log on and check out his score v. mine". Ladies, the same thing, I'm sure that spicy tuna roll wasn't what you'd rather have had for dinner but you were brought up with manners and tried it anyways...secretly wishing that you'd put your foot down and ordered a safer Philadelphia sushi roll.
We do this silly dance of pretending to be on our best behaviors early on when dating someone new. Sometimes when it doesn't work out, someone or both are disappointed because he's more comfortable in front of the x-box in his tightie whities. Yes guys, she will go to bed with cold cream on her face---meaning no midnight nookie because she needs to marinade overnight for that gorgeous effortless glow in the a.m. So why put the pretense out there and do this dance?
Why not on your next first date with someone new, be silly and suggest meeting for coffee in your pj's at Starbucks (they won't care what you wear as long as you're fully clothed) and just relax and have a good time? I double dog dare the ladies to not change their outfit 8 times and wear on your first date what you'd wear shopping with one of your girlfriends at the mall...after a big lunch (ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!) Guys, do us ladies a favor, and man up, if you start the dating relationship by opening doors, then make sure you do that forever for your lady. Don't do it just until you've hooked her, then let up on the mystery and slink back into your video gaming Saturday afternoons after a few weeks. We all need our downtime and don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of good hygiene habits and cleaning up once in awhile but what could it hurt to start a relationship almost in the middle and see if that makes a difference in how the relationship works out? Couldn't be any worse than the pretending at the beginning that you always have perfect lipstick applied or don't fart after a 16oz beer....lets get real and see where it leads!
My challenge to all of you optimists out there or maybe just the dare devils, your next first date with someone, consider putting this theory to work and then let me know how you fared in the situation, I want to know if this extremely insane but possibly genious theory fares. Plus consider this...if your first date works out into a 2nd, 3rd, etc, maybe you've just cracked the code on your perfect soul mate and they really DO like you for who you are: beer farts, tightie whities and cold cream! :)
For heavensake, don't think I'm crazy here, its a valid theory right? What if the 2 step dance we do when we're dating no longer was a dance full of questions, maybes, speculations, etc and you stepped outside the box on a first date? I'd be willing to give this theory a try and wear my pj bottoms, flip flops and tank top to grab coffee at Starbucks at 7am on a date if I thought being the real me was a good idea right off the bat. I mean lets be serious, I am gorgeous but this kind of effortlessly beautiful look takes a lot of work, especially at 7am to grab coffee! lol, What if I hit it off with my dream man this way, rather than being on my best behavior in the beginning? That way he's not shocked when somewhere down the line, when we move in together and he realizes that yes, it takes me a few days to get to the dishes in my sink and yes, laundry will sit dirty in the hamper for almost 2 weeks before I consider touching it.
Campers, lets put it all out there, strip away those social boundaries that I know I'm pushing, but lets stop and think about the logistics. Your first date with your guy or girl, you were nervous, probably went through 8 wardrobe changes (yes even men do the same thing!) and worried that you picked the wrong ideal-first-date location and when it came time for the actual date, wanted to ensure a 2nd date so you were both on your best behavior, pretending you liked the movie or really enjoyed the concert when you're really thinking "I wonder what my buddy Ryan is doing on his X-box. I can't wait to log on and check out his score v. mine". Ladies, the same thing, I'm sure that spicy tuna roll wasn't what you'd rather have had for dinner but you were brought up with manners and tried it anyways...secretly wishing that you'd put your foot down and ordered a safer Philadelphia sushi roll.
We do this silly dance of pretending to be on our best behaviors early on when dating someone new. Sometimes when it doesn't work out, someone or both are disappointed because he's more comfortable in front of the x-box in his tightie whities. Yes guys, she will go to bed with cold cream on her face---meaning no midnight nookie because she needs to marinade overnight for that gorgeous effortless glow in the a.m. So why put the pretense out there and do this dance?
Why not on your next first date with someone new, be silly and suggest meeting for coffee in your pj's at Starbucks (they won't care what you wear as long as you're fully clothed) and just relax and have a good time? I double dog dare the ladies to not change their outfit 8 times and wear on your first date what you'd wear shopping with one of your girlfriends at the mall...after a big lunch (ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!) Guys, do us ladies a favor, and man up, if you start the dating relationship by opening doors, then make sure you do that forever for your lady. Don't do it just until you've hooked her, then let up on the mystery and slink back into your video gaming Saturday afternoons after a few weeks. We all need our downtime and don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of good hygiene habits and cleaning up once in awhile but what could it hurt to start a relationship almost in the middle and see if that makes a difference in how the relationship works out? Couldn't be any worse than the pretending at the beginning that you always have perfect lipstick applied or don't fart after a 16oz beer....lets get real and see where it leads!
My challenge to all of you optimists out there or maybe just the dare devils, your next first date with someone, consider putting this theory to work and then let me know how you fared in the situation, I want to know if this extremely insane but possibly genious theory fares. Plus consider this...if your first date works out into a 2nd, 3rd, etc, maybe you've just cracked the code on your perfect soul mate and they really DO like you for who you are: beer farts, tightie whities and cold cream! :)
Monday, July 16, 2012
Swimming with the Fishes
After a short hiatus from the blog, I am back with another delightful little narrative to tickle your funny bone, or at least kill a few minutes while you wait for your barista to make your favorite double tall non-fat mocha with no whip nonsense (come, a little whip is ok people). I digress.
I emailed *Nate after seeing a quirky and fun little personals posting he put out asking if anyone was interested in checking out a movie that I too was interested in seeing. Unfortunately I was a day late from when he wanted some company but I emailed him regardless and asked if the movie was any good. We got to chatting and soon we found ourselves on a date by the end of the first day, you guessed it, watching a movie, a comedy that although it didn't get high reviews, we both found hilarious! He walked me to my car afterwards and I found myself in a makeout session in the parking lot like we were 17!
A quick run down on Nate, he is a swimmer from Iowa that still to this day holds state championship records for his divisions (yes, thats plural) and even in his 30's still has the long, lean swimmer body. Close to his family, loves his niece--who has him wrapped around her little finger, educated, bright blue eyes, comfortable and easy personality, we got along swimmingly, pardon the pun, so it was no wonder we got into a great rhythm after just a few dates. Before we know it, a few months have gone by and yes, I had to ask the question of where this relationship was going. His honest response and I have to give him credit here was basically he wanted to only date. Bummer, of course I saw something special in him and was hoping for more so try as I might, I couldn't convince myself to stay knowing we were both on different paths.
A month goes by and right after Thanksgiving imagine my surprise when I see a text from Nate asking how my holiday was and that he missed me. Honestly, I am pretty amazing so who wouldn't right? We had a good chat about getting back together and I made it clear I wasn't going to budge, I wanted a relationship so if he was serious, lets give this another go. He agreed and we moved forward which was really great. We fell back into a great rhythm but it was better and no, I wasn't kidding myself, it really was better the second time around. I'm a casual painter and one day he was looking at a few that I have hanging in my home, commenting on one in particular that he liked. He asked if I would consider doing one for him? Sure I say and for the first time ever, I actually was excited to give a very personal gift to a guy I was dating. Another first for me, I actually was dating a guy on Valentines day. Nate and I celebrated it together and I was on cloud 9! Could it be that all my dating disasters have finally come to an end and this one was actually going to work out?
About a week after Valentines day, en route to the office one morning I get a text message from Nate: "Hey so I met another girl and we've been dating for awhile and I want to make it work with her so this is gonna have to end." Whatcha talkin 'bout Willis?! I thought he was kidding, my stomach is turning, I am flushed and I can't believe my eyes...am I really getting a break-up "text"? Anyone remember on Sex and the City, when Carrie got a posted-note from Burger "I can't do this, sorry" yes, I was having a Carrie moment and wanted to throw up! Seriously, who the heck breaks up via text message?!
Of course I tried calling him to find out what the heck was going on and after a few hours he tells me the whole story that he'd met this other girl at a party, they'd been dating for a few weeks and he wanted to get serious with her. Awesome, so my first thought is, he's admitting he's been cheating, he really wasn't interested in having a relationship with me and the last part that really made my head spin was--Oh god, I have to go get tested because lord knows where this girl has been and what she might have! That part immediately replaced the broken heart with rage and anger. Thankfully everything turned out ok but for that period of time while I was waiting to find out the results, that was absolutely horrible.
In the process of this break up, I decided that it was only fair that I get back the painting I had made for him as a gift. Why let the bastard keep it when I could sell it and use the funds for a night out with the girls or a small token of bling for my ears? I called the next morning and no answer (surprise surprise) but I did get a text message back that he was upset because his new trampy girl friend was over and didn't know why I would be calling so early in the morning. Uh oh! Looks like Nate failed to mention he'd been dating me while he was dating her. Oops! I told him to be honest with her and that I was coming by that afternoon to pick up my painting. He said ok he'd be home and I could come pick it up. Arriving at his place at the time we selected he was mysteriously not there. I tried to arrange another pick up time, failed attempt #2. Finally I said I was coming over on a Sunday afternoon and regardless if he was home or not, just put it on the front porch. I couldn't figure it out, why was he so shady about giving me back my painting? Its like he wanted a daily visual reminder of our relationship on his wall...for his new girlfriend to see? Inappropriate. My conscience got the best of me and I decided to change my attitude about this trollop that seduced Nate away from me. In reality, she probably isn't a tramp, she just happened to be dating a guy who was one which is why I'd hate for her to ask where he'd gotten the painting. Either he tells her its from me (which would probably make any normal woman creeped out) or lies to her, committing the same dirty deed to her that he did to me.
Needless to say I got the painting back and if anyone is interested, I'm taking offers on a 3'x6' painting that I'd love to have to go a home that deserves it! A good lesson learned that regardless of how a man treats a woman (or vice versa) its not in any ones best interest to carry that relationship baggage with you into your next relationship. Second lesson, always get your stuff back because its too creepy to know that part of you is still lingering in the life of a trampy ex (aka Nate)!
*name has been changed to protect the not so innocent although I did consider putting in his real name just because of his dirty deeds.
I emailed *Nate after seeing a quirky and fun little personals posting he put out asking if anyone was interested in checking out a movie that I too was interested in seeing. Unfortunately I was a day late from when he wanted some company but I emailed him regardless and asked if the movie was any good. We got to chatting and soon we found ourselves on a date by the end of the first day, you guessed it, watching a movie, a comedy that although it didn't get high reviews, we both found hilarious! He walked me to my car afterwards and I found myself in a makeout session in the parking lot like we were 17!
A quick run down on Nate, he is a swimmer from Iowa that still to this day holds state championship records for his divisions (yes, thats plural) and even in his 30's still has the long, lean swimmer body. Close to his family, loves his niece--who has him wrapped around her little finger, educated, bright blue eyes, comfortable and easy personality, we got along swimmingly, pardon the pun, so it was no wonder we got into a great rhythm after just a few dates. Before we know it, a few months have gone by and yes, I had to ask the question of where this relationship was going. His honest response and I have to give him credit here was basically he wanted to only date. Bummer, of course I saw something special in him and was hoping for more so try as I might, I couldn't convince myself to stay knowing we were both on different paths.
A month goes by and right after Thanksgiving imagine my surprise when I see a text from Nate asking how my holiday was and that he missed me. Honestly, I am pretty amazing so who wouldn't right? We had a good chat about getting back together and I made it clear I wasn't going to budge, I wanted a relationship so if he was serious, lets give this another go. He agreed and we moved forward which was really great. We fell back into a great rhythm but it was better and no, I wasn't kidding myself, it really was better the second time around. I'm a casual painter and one day he was looking at a few that I have hanging in my home, commenting on one in particular that he liked. He asked if I would consider doing one for him? Sure I say and for the first time ever, I actually was excited to give a very personal gift to a guy I was dating. Another first for me, I actually was dating a guy on Valentines day. Nate and I celebrated it together and I was on cloud 9! Could it be that all my dating disasters have finally come to an end and this one was actually going to work out?
About a week after Valentines day, en route to the office one morning I get a text message from Nate: "Hey so I met another girl and we've been dating for awhile and I want to make it work with her so this is gonna have to end." Whatcha talkin 'bout Willis?! I thought he was kidding, my stomach is turning, I am flushed and I can't believe my eyes...am I really getting a break-up "text"? Anyone remember on Sex and the City, when Carrie got a posted-note from Burger "I can't do this, sorry" yes, I was having a Carrie moment and wanted to throw up! Seriously, who the heck breaks up via text message?!
Of course I tried calling him to find out what the heck was going on and after a few hours he tells me the whole story that he'd met this other girl at a party, they'd been dating for a few weeks and he wanted to get serious with her. Awesome, so my first thought is, he's admitting he's been cheating, he really wasn't interested in having a relationship with me and the last part that really made my head spin was--Oh god, I have to go get tested because lord knows where this girl has been and what she might have! That part immediately replaced the broken heart with rage and anger. Thankfully everything turned out ok but for that period of time while I was waiting to find out the results, that was absolutely horrible.
In the process of this break up, I decided that it was only fair that I get back the painting I had made for him as a gift. Why let the bastard keep it when I could sell it and use the funds for a night out with the girls or a small token of bling for my ears? I called the next morning and no answer (surprise surprise) but I did get a text message back that he was upset because his new trampy girl friend was over and didn't know why I would be calling so early in the morning. Uh oh! Looks like Nate failed to mention he'd been dating me while he was dating her. Oops! I told him to be honest with her and that I was coming by that afternoon to pick up my painting. He said ok he'd be home and I could come pick it up. Arriving at his place at the time we selected he was mysteriously not there. I tried to arrange another pick up time, failed attempt #2. Finally I said I was coming over on a Sunday afternoon and regardless if he was home or not, just put it on the front porch. I couldn't figure it out, why was he so shady about giving me back my painting? Its like he wanted a daily visual reminder of our relationship on his wall...for his new girlfriend to see? Inappropriate. My conscience got the best of me and I decided to change my attitude about this trollop that seduced Nate away from me. In reality, she probably isn't a tramp, she just happened to be dating a guy who was one which is why I'd hate for her to ask where he'd gotten the painting. Either he tells her its from me (which would probably make any normal woman creeped out) or lies to her, committing the same dirty deed to her that he did to me.
Needless to say I got the painting back and if anyone is interested, I'm taking offers on a 3'x6' painting that I'd love to have to go a home that deserves it! A good lesson learned that regardless of how a man treats a woman (or vice versa) its not in any ones best interest to carry that relationship baggage with you into your next relationship. Second lesson, always get your stuff back because its too creepy to know that part of you is still lingering in the life of a trampy ex (aka Nate)!
*name has been changed to protect the not so innocent although I did consider putting in his real name just because of his dirty deeds.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sushi in Space!
Happy New Year 2012! Its been awhile since my last dating disaster but I figured I owed myself a break from the nonsense during the holidays. Never fear, I was able to squeeze one last one in before the ball dropped in 2011.
*Jeff, another great guy who was employed at some type of aeronautical company (Boeing?), just bought a house with a pool, is close with his family, sense of humor and glasses...ah I have to admit I'm a sucker for a guy that wears glasses. We chatted via text and emailed for about a month before he called me while I was in Seattle visiting for the holidays. So funny! So sassy! He told me he has weekly meetings with NASA for a project he was working on for the quarter--impressive! The fact that I've hit the nerd/comedian jackpot I couldn't resist accepting a date for sushi the night I got back into Phoenix. The next afternoon I got a text from him "I'm so embarrassed, it looks like I called you last night when I got home from Ra (sushi place in Arizona). I don't remember anything we talked about". So now we know where his sassy came from lol, he'd gotten some liquid courage at dinner. I told him he asked me to sushi when I got back into town. He was excited about this idea and yes, he'd still like to do that if I was game. At this point, why not? What have I got to lose?
A week later and a few adjustments to the date, we were now going to make our own sushi instead of having it done for us. Neither of us had ever done it so it'd be a fun first date adventure. I land in Phoenix and head over to his house --- Yes, I'm breaking my own rule of "No first dates at his house or yours" but after over a month of every day communications and come on...he works with NASA...they screen their people right? He's got government clearance, figured it was alright. He shows me around his house and I notice, he doesn't have a tv...anywhere! Not even a radio. He apparently gave them all away because he doesn't believe theres anything good on tv and too much propaganda on the radio. Um, ok, awkward so maybe we should have gone to the restaurant instead? It was so quiet that I felt I had to keep talking just to fill the silence.
When you are cooking, a good rule of thumb is to follow the directions and recipe, especially if its something you've never made before. Between the 2 of us there are 4 college degrees so you'd think theres enough smarts enough to do this. Negative ghost rider. I tried to follow the directions on cooking the rice, but that plan was foiled when he took the bag from me and poured the entire package into a pot full of a nondescript amount of water. The equation is simple: only 2 of us plus an entire package of rice to feed a family of 14 = shenanigans! Looks like our cooking adventure is on! Why measure 3 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar to the pot when you can dump the entire bottle into the rice? Before I knew it, rice was on the ground and the counter tops. I cut up the tuna and cucumbers for the insides. He says "I'm gonna cook that tuna. I'm not gonna eat that raw". Sushi is normally raw for those of you out there that weren't aware (didn't he say he'd been out to Ra to eat sushi?). He's going to cook it? I move onto the avocado, he starts to make me a drink. Starting with a travel coffee mug, ice, filled 2/3 full vodka and topped off with blended mango. He called it a mojito. Hm...aren't mojitos normally made with rum? Shortly after he starts stirring, keeping the conversation going I hear a crash! "Mojito" is all over the counter top and floor. Most people would be embarrassed, not this guy. I grabbed the trash can and began to scoop the liquid as much as I could into it, catching the look on the look of horror on his face while I was cleaning. I jokingly ask "Is it bothering you I'm putting this into the garbage?" his reply "yeah, I was gonna try and save that". Really?
Finally its time to make some sushi after the disaster drink is remade (again, with 2/3 full of vodka) and we go to town. I have to admit, that part was kinda fun. Sure, it was unusual to see a grown man dip his sushi into a bowl full of wasabi mayo, sure his 4" diameter roll was more the size of a sushi log and sure he finished the majority of the drink he made for me (apparently he didn't have any other glasses so I was able to snag a 2 sips)...but I had a good time. After finishing our roll/logs we talk about potential paintings he could hang on his wall. I dabble in the arts and he'd wanted my opinion. We go from room to room and as I notice we leave each room the lights are all getting turned off until finally, only the living room light was on, dimly. He lays on the couch half hanging on, half off and says "come here" and gives me his Bette Davis eyes. Ah ha! I know this move and no way is this going to turn into an after dinner bootie call. I think that handle of vodka he'd been drinking finally kicked in. I gave him a high five, said thank you for the fun adventure of sushi making but I had work the next day and hey, didn't he? I was outta there in 60 seconds with a kiss on the cheek and quick hug-it-out.
About a week later he texted me and wanted to go on another date, maybe we could watch the football game together? I asked him if he remembered our last date and what turns out, he only remembered eating sushi. He had no recollection of the rest! I asked him if he had tickets to the game (he has no tv), that we'd be going in person. Oh, we were going to go to his parent's place to watch the game. Say what?! Ok, sorry NASA, but I think you need to up your screening process cause this kid certainly needs a reality check. He blacks out, drunk dials, hates tv but can't live without it for his football fix and sorry, wasabi mayo for sushi? Really? Parents on the 2nd date? I'm calling a flag on the play, 5 yard penalty and incomplete pass on Jeff.
Lesson here is: even if they have government screening, guys or girls...doesn't mean they are date worthy. If the person doesn't remember the last date you were on with them let alone a phone conversation, chances are they need to turn in their Bette Davis eyes for a trip to the Betty Ford Center. Be safe and make good life choices campers!
*Changed his name to protect the wayward.
*Jeff, another great guy who was employed at some type of aeronautical company (Boeing?), just bought a house with a pool, is close with his family, sense of humor and glasses...ah I have to admit I'm a sucker for a guy that wears glasses. We chatted via text and emailed for about a month before he called me while I was in Seattle visiting for the holidays. So funny! So sassy! He told me he has weekly meetings with NASA for a project he was working on for the quarter--impressive! The fact that I've hit the nerd/comedian jackpot I couldn't resist accepting a date for sushi the night I got back into Phoenix. The next afternoon I got a text from him "I'm so embarrassed, it looks like I called you last night when I got home from Ra (sushi place in Arizona). I don't remember anything we talked about". So now we know where his sassy came from lol, he'd gotten some liquid courage at dinner. I told him he asked me to sushi when I got back into town. He was excited about this idea and yes, he'd still like to do that if I was game. At this point, why not? What have I got to lose?
A week later and a few adjustments to the date, we were now going to make our own sushi instead of having it done for us. Neither of us had ever done it so it'd be a fun first date adventure. I land in Phoenix and head over to his house --- Yes, I'm breaking my own rule of "No first dates at his house or yours" but after over a month of every day communications and come on...he works with NASA...they screen their people right? He's got government clearance, figured it was alright. He shows me around his house and I notice, he doesn't have a tv...anywhere! Not even a radio. He apparently gave them all away because he doesn't believe theres anything good on tv and too much propaganda on the radio. Um, ok, awkward so maybe we should have gone to the restaurant instead? It was so quiet that I felt I had to keep talking just to fill the silence.
When you are cooking, a good rule of thumb is to follow the directions and recipe, especially if its something you've never made before. Between the 2 of us there are 4 college degrees so you'd think theres enough smarts enough to do this. Negative ghost rider. I tried to follow the directions on cooking the rice, but that plan was foiled when he took the bag from me and poured the entire package into a pot full of a nondescript amount of water. The equation is simple: only 2 of us plus an entire package of rice to feed a family of 14 = shenanigans! Looks like our cooking adventure is on! Why measure 3 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar to the pot when you can dump the entire bottle into the rice? Before I knew it, rice was on the ground and the counter tops. I cut up the tuna and cucumbers for the insides. He says "I'm gonna cook that tuna. I'm not gonna eat that raw". Sushi is normally raw for those of you out there that weren't aware (didn't he say he'd been out to Ra to eat sushi?). He's going to cook it? I move onto the avocado, he starts to make me a drink. Starting with a travel coffee mug, ice, filled 2/3 full vodka and topped off with blended mango. He called it a mojito. Hm...aren't mojitos normally made with rum? Shortly after he starts stirring, keeping the conversation going I hear a crash! "Mojito" is all over the counter top and floor. Most people would be embarrassed, not this guy. I grabbed the trash can and began to scoop the liquid as much as I could into it, catching the look on the look of horror on his face while I was cleaning. I jokingly ask "Is it bothering you I'm putting this into the garbage?" his reply "yeah, I was gonna try and save that". Really?
Finally its time to make some sushi after the disaster drink is remade (again, with 2/3 full of vodka) and we go to town. I have to admit, that part was kinda fun. Sure, it was unusual to see a grown man dip his sushi into a bowl full of wasabi mayo, sure his 4" diameter roll was more the size of a sushi log and sure he finished the majority of the drink he made for me (apparently he didn't have any other glasses so I was able to snag a 2 sips)...but I had a good time. After finishing our roll/logs we talk about potential paintings he could hang on his wall. I dabble in the arts and he'd wanted my opinion. We go from room to room and as I notice we leave each room the lights are all getting turned off until finally, only the living room light was on, dimly. He lays on the couch half hanging on, half off and says "come here" and gives me his Bette Davis eyes. Ah ha! I know this move and no way is this going to turn into an after dinner bootie call. I think that handle of vodka he'd been drinking finally kicked in. I gave him a high five, said thank you for the fun adventure of sushi making but I had work the next day and hey, didn't he? I was outta there in 60 seconds with a kiss on the cheek and quick hug-it-out.
About a week later he texted me and wanted to go on another date, maybe we could watch the football game together? I asked him if he remembered our last date and what turns out, he only remembered eating sushi. He had no recollection of the rest! I asked him if he had tickets to the game (he has no tv), that we'd be going in person. Oh, we were going to go to his parent's place to watch the game. Say what?! Ok, sorry NASA, but I think you need to up your screening process cause this kid certainly needs a reality check. He blacks out, drunk dials, hates tv but can't live without it for his football fix and sorry, wasabi mayo for sushi? Really? Parents on the 2nd date? I'm calling a flag on the play, 5 yard penalty and incomplete pass on Jeff.
Lesson here is: even if they have government screening, guys or girls...doesn't mean they are date worthy. If the person doesn't remember the last date you were on with them let alone a phone conversation, chances are they need to turn in their Bette Davis eyes for a trip to the Betty Ford Center. Be safe and make good life choices campers!
*Changed his name to protect the wayward.
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