Looking forward to a first date with *Demetri, a self proclaimed ginger, we had made plans on a whim after chatting for a few weeks. I discovered we had a lot in common like running, trying to live healthy, movies, music, sports, etc. Plans were set in the morning to meet at a local eatery at 7:00pm for dinner and relaxed conversation. He had eluded drinks at his place to begin with but I stuck firm to my personal rule that first dates ideally should be in a public place for both of our sakes. That suggestion probably should have been my first clue but nope, I'm too slow joe! He didn't give me the vibe that he had another agenda other than looking for someone to date and get to know better, or even just know as friends so it was easily dismissed as a friendly gesture.
He asked for a picture of me so I sent one of me and a friend, from the neck up, we are both at the pool, no make-up, hair is wet but we were smiling and I figured if he likes me at my worst, real life will be even better! The entire afternoon we went back and forth via text, asking each other why we were both single, what we were both looking for specifically, what we did for a living, I guess looking back, none of that came up in our initial chats because we clicked so well it was just the fluff to fill space, we dove right into getting to know one another. I was very clear that I was looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship, to start a family with if I was lucky enough to become a mom and grow together as a couple. Not looking for the "whole 9 yards" but maybe my version of it minus the white picket fence (would clash with my front yard and house color too much lol).
Demetri: Well we same age so get started sooner then later kids are full of it
Me: Lol you must be talking to my family, they tell me the same thing!
Me: Wait! Do you know them? Is this a trap, a set up?
Demetri: I've been sent to spray you and give the gift of life:
Me: Ha, I knew it!
This guy's got jokes! I laughed it off and looked forward to seeing Demetri later that evening. At 6:00pm he tells me he is "poorish" if that mattered, not a "balla" like me. I asked him to explain, because for me, I don't honestly care how much money a person makes as long as their job makes them happy. He had assumed based off of my job title that I was making money hand over fist and that he wasn't in the same financial bracket as myself, which just goes to show, you can't judge a book by its cover, or job title in this case. I assured him that it didn't matter to me what his paycheck was, we were going to have a good time.
7:00pm rolls around and I am at the eatery, he'd requested that we not sit on the patio because of the heat so I got a shady spot inside, and let him know where the table was since I arrived first. The doors to the place were wide open on all sides so we might as well have been sitting on the patio anyways. 15 mins roll by, he texts me that he can't find me and confirms I'm at the Tempe location. I resend him the text location of where the table is and include my outfit, can't miss me in my yellow skirt, I stood out like a sore thumb lol
Demetri: U w a group or solo?
Me: Yeah, I invited 20 of my closest friends to join us ;) jk, I'm solo
Demetri: lol
After finding me finally, (fyi, he's not a ginger) we each have a beer because although we were meeting for dinner, he already ate, thats why he was running late. Awkward, but moving forward right? We chat about sports, about family, where I discover he has a son. Tells me how horrible his ex is and how she sucks all the money out of him and basically describing this woman who gave life to his child as an ungrateful gold digger. Lightbulb! Apparently there are a lot of horrible women out there that are just trying to mess up every man's life with child support and keeping the father of their child in the picture. (Something tells me that this statement isn't entirely true but its a theme I run across frequently).
Since I'm not her and I just learned of this new aspect of Demetri's life, I know that its not my place to comment either way on that subject of the ex and child support so I just listen and let him talk as he needed. First opening, I change the subject and steer it back towards his work as that seemed to be a lighter topic and he enjoyed discussing it. Enough glasses of water between the two of us and he claims "Well I need to run to the bathroom, too much water" and he chuckles as he walks towards the bathroom. I busy myself with the baseball game on television and realize after awhile, he's not back yet. 15 mins gone might mean he's bearing down or....hmm...ok, another 5 mins I flag down a male waiter to check on him, maybe he's sick? I recall my appendectomy situation (another story for another time) so I felt empathy for him if he was in need of help. The waiter comes back, look on his face tells me somethings wrong "Uh, miss, yeah I hate to tell you this but theres no one in the bathroom". Awesome. So not only did he ditch me, he left me with the check and no word of good bye or even pull a chapter from our pal Herbert from "I'll have a Mr. Wonderful..."
Me: Looks like I just got ditched huh? You wanted to know why I'm single? This is why...I get ditched or stood up. You seemed so much like a cool guy, a stand up guy. Bummed out that I was mistaken.
(Next Morning)
Demetri: Sorry, would've been just sex and felt u didn't want that. Wasn't right
(I do not respond)
Demetri: Morning
Me: (taking a deep breath, might as well rip this off like a bandaide) Sooooooo...ditching me and letting me sit there and be worried that something was wrong was a better choice? lol OK, at least telling me you weren't interested and saying goodbye so I wouldn't worry would have been better than how you made me feel. I truly hope for as much care and compassion you have for your son, and I believe that you do, please on behalf of the rest of us sad fools, don't pass that trick onto him? Imagine how many broken hearts he might cause if he knows its OK for dad to do it, why can't he? I guess you just reminded me how sad my hope is to find someone who will be honest with me. Good luck wherever life takes you.
Demetri: So no orgasm and fun?
Demetri: OK then
Me: Correct, you did not give me any of that last night but I'm sure someone more worthy for you will be that lucky. Please, please, do me a favor and stop contacting me?
Demetri: OK sorry
True, I was embarrassed that I got ditched, I'm not above admitting that he just wasn't interested but is it asking too much to find out why, if the build up before the date is going so well? Oh the ever elusive "why"! I don't put up fake or out of date photos of myself or communicate any differently in written word than I do in real life. Theres no smoke and mirrors, no false pretences, I'm upfront and honest, don't hide anything because I want someone like me for me, not a version of me that I've constructed out of misdirection. I can tell you there was misdirection from his end, finding out that he had a son he was hiding and an Ex. He obviously has been hurt by her so badly that my gut tells me he's not looking for "the whole 9 yards" or anything close to it. My question to the cosmos, or maybe someone reading is, why start to get involved with someone if you know that what they are looking for is NOT what you're looking for?
Lesson to be had from this whole experience? Always bring your wallet and never assume that even if you're a girl, the guy will pay for you. That even wearing a bright color to easily be identified in a large crowd, providing directions and carrying on a good conversation, it still won't always end in a kiss good night. To always remember, even if someone does you wrong, leave that baggage at the door and don't carry it with you on the next date, its not fair to the person that does want to spend time with you. And last but not least, sometimes you will have to ask someone to check the bathroom for you...even to check on a prankster, a jester or a creator of shenanigans that told the joke wrong, and all you're left with is crickets.
Stay well my friends, until next time!
*Name changed to protect the party in question.
