Raise your hand if you are a perfect dater? You know to follow up with a 2nd date offer before the end of the first date, thank the other person for a great evening (even if a root canal was more fun), remember to make the 4th date as much fun as the 1st but with more silliness and on date #12 you know to send a text before he or she got home to say you were thinking about them. Still raising your hand? --great, go find someone to pat you on the back for a job well done. For those of you that didn't raise your hand, this post is especially for you. Please pay close attention because it took a very brave girl to give me the nod to share her story so YOU will know just how harsh getting a little lovin' over love can do to your next victim.
*Janie is in her late 20's, bright, ambitious, dream job, great family and friendship network to support her and her looks rival those of Jessica Alba. College educated, funny, seems to make friends extremely easily and if you put her in front of some karaoke, just try and stop her from belting out whatever you challenge her to, she's got a pretty decent voice, at least in my opinion. *She is blushing reading that last statement FYI. Like many of us in our 20s, 30s, 40s, well heck, it doesn't matter what age you are when you're hitting a dating slump, there is a point in our lives where we find ourselves lonely, wishing for something more. We leave our brains at the coat check and let our hearts and/or libidos make the decisions on the dance floor of life. Janie, looking for love in all the wrong places, unfortunately became the next victim, a Miss Lonely Hearts if you will.
Janie, through mutual friends, had met Knight in Shining Armor at a party who showed some interest in who she was and the things she liked. Our Knight asked all the right questions, said incredibly sweet things to her, funny and made her feel safe. At the end of the evening it had felt to her that they had spent an eternity together instead of just a couple of hours and Janie didn't want to say good night. Recognizing his prey was ready, it didn't take much before this Knight in Shining Armor went from charming to Piranha and he pounced! Walking her to her car, he made his move, a kiss good night that quickly progressed to 2nd base. Since they had both bypassed the coat check to pick up their brains, a quick trip back to his place, Janie and the Piranha had rounded 2nd headed straight for home plate! Score one for our two lonely hearts right?! Cuddling all night long until the sun came up, Janie thinks to herself, wow, thats not her normal behavior "but its ok, he really was into me and I like him too, so no harm done. We'll just build off this." Who is currently shaking their heads right now, sad that our misguided Miss Lonely Hearts has made a slight error in judgement?
After an awkward good morning and thanks for a great night, Piranha and Janie exchange numbers, he says he'll call. Day 1 goes by, he hasn't called. Day 2 goes by...still no call, maybe her phone is broken? Janie decides to send him a text, whats the harm right? Maybe he is busy?
Janie: Hey, hows your day?
Knight: Hey, good thanks
Janie: Hey so I was thinking about the other night, I really had a great time. I was thinking we should grab some dinner this week.
(an hour or two goes by)
Janie: Hey so what night you free for some dinner? :)
Knight: Oh yeah, hey kinda busy this week. Next week for sure!
Janie: Um ok
Who is still shaking their head? What we are seeing here of our dear Janie is the failure to recognize that she has fallen victim to the One Night Stand. Yes sir--(or madame, ladies pull this move on guys too!) you who failed to raise your hand earlier, you are probably finding yourself squirming in your seat because you know that at some point pulled a move like this because you weren't looking for love, just a little lovin'. You also know that those victims you leave behind, you do some damage to those lonely hearts and not everyone is lucky to have a great network of friends and family for support like Janie does. Even with her support system, she was devastated, felt foolish for being so trusting and unguarded which only spells trouble for the next guy who may genuinely want to be in a relationship with her. Mortified too that she allowed to put herself in that situation, she ran out and got herself tested to make sure everything was still "ok". Two thumbs down to our Piranha in Shining Armor, poor form sir. Also, a thumb down to Janie, it takes two to tango and apparently a half gallon of rocky road won't fix her trust issue she has just created for herself.
Whats our lesson today class? One night stands provide a fantastic retreat from reality but this fantasy can come with big consequences in the long run such as unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, money missing from your wallet or realizing you don't remember where your car is and don't know the address where you are to call a cab. Love is not the same as a little lovin', so do yourselves a favor my courageous lonely hearts out there, next time you find yourselves in a situation that might end up in an intimate adventure the first night you meet, go get your brain from the coat check. Your integrity, your physical health and your lonely heart will be so much better off by finding someone who wants to give you love over lovin'. Gentlemen, there are female piranhas...you see one, you turn to your closest wing man to run interference and go find yourself a lady worth your lonely heart. Good luck out there!
*Changed the name of my dear girl friend to protect her integrity, because thats what real girlfriends do!
