Happy New Year 2012! Its been awhile since my last dating disaster but I figured I owed myself a break from the nonsense during the holidays. Never fear, I was able to squeeze one last one in before the ball dropped in 2011.
*Jeff, another great guy who was employed at some type of aeronautical company (Boeing?), just bought a house with a pool, is close with his family, sense of humor and glasses...ah I have to admit I'm a sucker for a guy that wears glasses. We chatted via text and emailed for about a month before he called me while I was in Seattle visiting for the holidays. So funny! So sassy! He told me he has weekly meetings with NASA for a project he was working on for the quarter--impressive! The fact that I've hit the nerd/comedian jackpot I couldn't resist accepting a date for sushi the night I got back into Phoenix. The next afternoon I got a text from him "I'm so embarrassed, it looks like I called you last night when I got home from Ra (sushi place in Arizona). I don't remember anything we talked about". So now we know where his sassy came from lol, he'd gotten some liquid courage at dinner. I told him he asked me to sushi when I got back into town. He was excited about this idea and yes, he'd still like to do that if I was game. At this point, why not? What have I got to lose?
A week later and a few adjustments to the date, we were now going to make our own sushi instead of having it done for us. Neither of us had ever done it so it'd be a fun first date adventure. I land in Phoenix and head over to his house --- Yes, I'm breaking my own rule of "No first dates at his house or yours" but after over a month of every day communications and come on...he works with NASA...they screen their people right? He's got government clearance, figured it was alright. He shows me around his house and I notice, he doesn't have a tv...anywhere! Not even a radio. He apparently gave them all away because he doesn't believe theres anything good on tv and too much propaganda on the radio. Um, ok, awkward so maybe we should have gone to the restaurant instead? It was so quiet that I felt I had to keep talking just to fill the silence.
When you are cooking, a good rule of thumb is to follow the directions and recipe, especially if its something you've never made before. Between the 2 of us there are 4 college degrees so you'd think theres enough smarts enough to do this. Negative ghost rider. I tried to follow the directions on cooking the rice, but that plan was foiled when he took the bag from me and poured the entire package into a pot full of a nondescript amount of water. The equation is simple: only 2 of us plus an entire package of rice to feed a family of 14 = shenanigans! Looks like our cooking adventure is on! Why measure 3 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar to the pot when you can dump the entire bottle into the rice? Before I knew it, rice was on the ground and the counter tops. I cut up the tuna and cucumbers for the insides. He says "I'm gonna cook that tuna. I'm not gonna eat that raw". Sushi is normally raw for those of you out there that weren't aware (didn't he say he'd been out to Ra to eat sushi?). He's going to cook it? I move onto the avocado, he starts to make me a drink. Starting with a travel coffee mug, ice, filled 2/3 full vodka and topped off with blended mango. He called it a mojito. Hm...aren't mojitos normally made with rum? Shortly after he starts stirring, keeping the conversation going I hear a crash! "Mojito" is all over the counter top and floor. Most people would be embarrassed, not this guy. I grabbed the trash can and began to scoop the liquid as much as I could into it, catching the look on the look of horror on his face while I was cleaning. I jokingly ask "Is it bothering you I'm putting this into the garbage?" his reply "yeah, I was gonna try and save that". Really?
Finally its time to make some sushi after the disaster drink is remade (again, with 2/3 full of vodka) and we go to town. I have to admit, that part was kinda fun. Sure, it was unusual to see a grown man dip his sushi into a bowl full of wasabi mayo, sure his 4" diameter roll was more the size of a sushi log and sure he finished the majority of the drink he made for me (apparently he didn't have any other glasses so I was able to snag a 2 sips)...but I had a good time. After finishing our roll/logs we talk about potential paintings he could hang on his wall. I dabble in the arts and he'd wanted my opinion. We go from room to room and as I notice we leave each room the lights are all getting turned off until finally, only the living room light was on, dimly. He lays on the couch half hanging on, half off and says "come here" and gives me his Bette Davis eyes. Ah ha! I know this move and no way is this going to turn into an after dinner bootie call. I think that handle of vodka he'd been drinking finally kicked in. I gave him a high five, said thank you for the fun adventure of sushi making but I had work the next day and hey, didn't he? I was outta there in 60 seconds with a kiss on the cheek and quick hug-it-out.
About a week later he texted me and wanted to go on another date, maybe we could watch the football game together? I asked him if he remembered our last date and what turns out, he only remembered eating sushi. He had no recollection of the rest! I asked him if he had tickets to the game (he has no tv), that we'd be going in person. Oh, we were going to go to his parent's place to watch the game. Say what?! Ok, sorry NASA, but I think you need to up your screening process cause this kid certainly needs a reality check. He blacks out, drunk dials, hates tv but can't live without it for his football fix and sorry, wasabi mayo for sushi? Really? Parents on the 2nd date? I'm calling a flag on the play, 5 yard penalty and incomplete pass on Jeff.
Lesson here is: even if they have government screening, guys or girls...doesn't mean they are date worthy. If the person doesn't remember the last date you were on with them let alone a phone conversation, chances are they need to turn in their Bette Davis eyes for a trip to the Betty Ford Center. Be safe and make good life choices campers!
*Changed his name to protect the wayward.
