Challenge: The Tightie Whitie v. Cold Cream 2 Step

A recent chat with a fellow optimist brought to our attention a theory, although probably based on a foundation of one too many sips from the inspiration pool, it made good sense that in order to really put this theory to the test, it should be shared with the cosmos.  The theory, what if, instead of going through the song and dance of dating, making sure we always appear cool, calm and collected, using our best behavior and most seductive perfume or cologne, what if all our first dates were more realistic? What I mean by this is, instead of going out to coffee or sushi and impressing the guy or gal with your extensive knowledge of red wines of Spain, what if first dates took place on the couch of your place, in front of the television over a bowl of cereal and your hair up in bun, his still hasn't been combed since the day before?

For heavensake, don't think I'm crazy here, its a valid theory right? What if the 2 step dance we do when we're dating no longer was a dance full of questions, maybes, speculations, etc and you stepped outside the box on a first date? I'd be willing to give this theory a try and wear my pj bottoms, flip flops and tank top to grab coffee at Starbucks at 7am on a date if I thought being the real me was a good idea right off the bat. I mean lets be serious, I am gorgeous but this kind of effortlessly beautiful look takes a lot of work, especially at 7am to grab coffee! lol, What if I hit it off with my dream man this way, rather than being on my best behavior in the beginning? That way he's not shocked when somewhere down the line, when we move in together and he realizes that yes, it takes me a few days to get to the dishes in my sink and yes, laundry will sit dirty in the hamper for almost 2 weeks before I consider touching it.

Campers, lets put it all out there, strip away those social boundaries that I know I'm pushing, but lets stop and think about the logistics. Your first date with your guy or girl, you were nervous, probably went through 8 wardrobe changes (yes even men do the same thing!) and worried that you picked the wrong ideal-first-date location and when it came time for the actual date, wanted to ensure a 2nd date so you were both on your best behavior, pretending you liked the movie or really enjoyed the concert when you're really thinking "I wonder what my buddy Ryan is doing on his X-box. I can't wait to log on and check out his score v. mine". Ladies, the same thing, I'm sure that spicy tuna roll wasn't what you'd rather have had for dinner but you were brought up with manners and tried it anyways...secretly wishing that you'd put your foot down and ordered a safer Philadelphia sushi roll.

We do this silly dance of pretending to be on our best behaviors early on when dating someone new. Sometimes when it doesn't work out, someone or both are disappointed because he's more comfortable in front of the x-box in his tightie whities. Yes guys, she will go to bed with cold cream on her face---meaning no midnight nookie because she needs to marinade overnight for that gorgeous effortless glow in the a.m.  So why put the pretense out there and do this dance?

Why not on your next first date with someone new, be silly and suggest meeting for coffee in your pj's at Starbucks (they won't care what you wear as long as you're fully clothed) and just relax and have a good time? I double dog dare the ladies to not change their outfit 8 times and wear on your first date what you'd wear shopping with one of your girlfriends at the mall...after a big lunch (ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!) Guys, do us ladies a favor, and man up, if you start the dating relationship by opening doors, then make sure you do that forever for your lady. Don't do it just until you've hooked her, then let up on the mystery and slink back into your video gaming Saturday afternoons after a few weeks. We all need our downtime and don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of good hygiene habits and cleaning up once in awhile but what could it hurt to start a relationship almost in the middle and see if that makes a difference in how the relationship works out? Couldn't be any worse than the pretending at the beginning that you always have perfect lipstick applied or don't fart after a 16oz beer....lets get real and see where it leads! 

My challenge to all of you optimists out there or maybe just the dare devils, your next first date with someone, consider putting this theory to work and then let me know how you fared in the situation, I want to know if this extremely insane but possibly genious theory fares. Plus consider this...if your first date works out into a 2nd, 3rd, etc, maybe you've just cracked the code on your perfect soul mate and they really DO like you for who you are: beer farts, tightie whities and cold cream! :)

Swimming with the Fishes

After a short hiatus from the blog, I am back with another delightful little narrative to tickle your funny bone, or at least kill a few minutes while you wait for your barista to make your favorite double tall non-fat mocha with no whip nonsense (come, a little whip is ok people). I digress.

I emailed *Nate after seeing a quirky and fun little personals posting he put out asking if anyone was interested in checking out a movie that I too was interested in seeing. Unfortunately I was a day late from when he wanted some company but I emailed him regardless and asked if the movie was any good. We got to chatting and soon we found ourselves on a date by the end of the first day, you guessed it, watching a movie, a comedy that although it didn't get high reviews, we both found hilarious! He walked me to my car afterwards and I found myself in a makeout session in the parking lot like we were 17!

A quick run down on Nate, he is a swimmer from Iowa that still to this day holds state championship records for his divisions (yes, thats plural) and even in his 30's still has the long, lean swimmer body. Close to his family, loves his niece--who has him wrapped around her little finger, educated, bright blue eyes, comfortable and easy personality, we got along swimmingly, pardon the pun, so it was no wonder we got into a great rhythm after just a few dates. Before we know it, a few months have gone by and yes, I had to ask the question of where this relationship was going. His honest response and I have to give him credit here was basically he wanted to only date. Bummer, of course I saw something special in him and was hoping for more so try as I might, I couldn't convince myself to stay knowing we were both on different paths.

A month goes by and right after Thanksgiving imagine my surprise when I see a text from Nate asking how my holiday was and that he missed me. Honestly, I am pretty amazing so who wouldn't right?  We had a good chat about getting back together and I made it clear I wasn't going to budge, I wanted a relationship so if he was serious, lets give this another go. He agreed and we moved forward which was really great. We fell back into a great rhythm but it was better and no, I wasn't kidding myself, it really was better the second time around. I'm a casual painter and one day he was looking at a few that I have hanging in my home, commenting on one in particular that he liked. He asked if I would consider doing one for him?  Sure I say and for the first time ever, I actually was excited to give a very personal gift to a guy I was dating.  Another first for me, I actually was dating a guy on Valentines day. Nate and I celebrated it together and I was on cloud 9! Could it be that all my dating disasters have finally come to an end and this one was actually going to work out?

About a week after Valentines day, en route to the office one morning I get a text message from Nate: "Hey so I met another girl and we've been dating for awhile and I want to make it work with her so this is gonna have to end."  Whatcha talkin 'bout Willis?! I thought he was kidding, my stomach is turning, I am flushed and I can't believe my eyes...am I really getting a break-up "text"? Anyone remember on Sex and the City, when Carrie got a posted-note from Burger "I can't do this, sorry" yes, I was having a Carrie moment and wanted to throw up! Seriously, who the heck breaks up via text message?!

Of course I tried calling him to find out what the heck was going on and after a few hours he tells me the whole story that he'd met this other girl at a party, they'd been dating for a few weeks and he wanted to get serious with her. Awesome, so my first thought is, he's admitting he's been cheating, he really wasn't interested in having a relationship with me and the last part that really made my head spin was--Oh god, I have to go get tested because lord knows where this girl has been and what she might have! That part immediately replaced the broken heart with rage and anger. Thankfully everything turned out ok but for that period of time while I was waiting to find out the results, that was absolutely horrible.

In the process of this break up, I decided that it was only fair that I get back the painting I had made for him as a gift. Why let the bastard keep it when I could sell it and use the funds for a night out with the girls or a small token of bling for my ears? I called the next morning and no answer (surprise surprise) but I did get a text message back that he was upset because his new trampy girl friend was over and didn't know why I would be calling so early in the morning. Uh oh! Looks like Nate failed to mention he'd been dating me while he was dating her. Oops! I told him to be honest with her and that I was coming by that afternoon to pick up my painting. He said ok he'd be home and I could come pick it up. Arriving at his place at the time we selected he was mysteriously not there. I tried to arrange another pick up time, failed attempt #2. Finally I said I was coming over on a Sunday afternoon and regardless if he was home or not, just put it on the front porch. I couldn't figure it out, why was he so shady about giving me back my painting? Its like he wanted a daily visual reminder of our relationship on his wall...for his new girlfriend to see? Inappropriate. My conscience got the best of me and I decided to change my attitude about this trollop that seduced Nate away from me. In reality, she probably isn't a tramp, she just happened to be dating a guy who was one which is why I'd hate for her to ask where he'd gotten the painting. Either he tells her its from me (which would probably make any normal woman creeped out) or lies to her, committing the same dirty deed to her that he did to me.

Needless to say I got the painting back and if anyone is interested, I'm taking offers on a 3'x6' painting that I'd love to have to go a home that deserves it! A good lesson learned that regardless of how a man treats a woman (or vice versa) its not in any ones best interest to carry that relationship baggage with you into your next relationship. Second lesson, always get your stuff back because its too creepy to know that part of you is still lingering in the life of a trampy ex (aka Nate)!

*name has been changed to protect the not so innocent although I did consider putting in his real name just because of his dirty deeds.