The Dirty Dozen of Winter's Bad Habits

Winter is the time of year where we start to bundle up in sweaters and scarves, break out the wool socks and the idea of cozying up under a warm blanket sounds better than sliced bread.  This is also the time of year where we recognize how thankful we are for the gifts that life has brought into our lives. Honestly, this should be a daily thing year round but we are human, we have our good and bad habits and they crop up on us when we least expect them to.

For me, winter is where some of my own bad habits crop up like allowing my sweet tooth to dictate my palate, putting off my workout just one more day, and the ex's start creeping out of the wood work just to say "hi". Whether it was via text, email or social media, these ex's, aka "bad habits" emerged slowly then came on like gang busters starting around mid-October. Mind you, each of these individuals are an "ex" for a reason and all have been made clear that I'm the girl looking for the lifetime commitment, not a good-time-girl at their beck and call. I wish I was exaggerating when I say in the span of 14 days, TWELVE bad habits resurfaced, but then I'd be lying. Twelve. Twelve! I shake my head just thinking about it, how is it possible that 12, lets call them "life lessons" decide that hey, I should look that girl up, I wonder if she's still single?

Pompous of me to assume this? Well yes, after the first one or two "Hey sexy, how r u?" messages I'd even be skeptical.  After two weeks and twelve different "bad habits" resurfacing with their own version of the same message, some I hadn't heard from for months, some after years of no word, I'd say there was a bigger picture going on here. What could it possibly be, what was triggering this activity all at the same time? The picture was blurry to me, but I knew there had to be a reason like a magnetic shift in the poles or global warming? With the first few messages from these men, I moved through a series of thoughts, one of hope that one of my ex's might want to honestly rekindle our relationship to skepticism of why now, whats causing all this attention? A few cozy winter days of this 14 day journey soon revealed their true intentions as bad habits eventually do. Various levels of loneliness, life crisis, offers of sex without strings attached and yes, even one offer to father a child with me because that's been on his bucket list--to as he put it "knock up a red head". Oh bad habits, how absolutely poetic you can be, and so classy too!

Listening to a local jewelry store commercial one afternoon, the reason to "the why" hit me like a ton of bricks!  Its winter, its time to spend the holidays with the one you love, cozy in front of a fire with a bottle of wine and some Marvin Gaye...or drinks with friends and family, those you hold dear to celebrate the year's accomplishments and give a kiss to someone special at midnight New Years Eve.  But, if you're single, you feel your singleness amplified by 1000 and even more so when your relatives set you up on blind dates with a friend they know you'll "just absolutely love!"  There is no cure for singleness, its not a disease or cancer, its just a status like a political view or gender so when it occurred to me that these 12 lonely, misguided hearts that I was viewing as bad habits, well, they were just feeling that amplification of being single. How absolutely pompous of me to look upon them with pity when I had that realization. Commonsense told me I was onto something, that blurred bigger picture was coming into focus and so the ginger in me decided to do some experimentation to see if my theory was correct. Of the bad habits that I hadn't already dropped from the 12, (because lets be honest, kicking a bad habit is a healthy thing to do), two were left that I knew would be absolutely honest if I called their bluff to go out again.

Scott*, who turned out had gotten married since we'd last talked, was in the process of a divorce, with a young child in the mix. When posed with the proposition of several dates and a reminder that I was looking for a substantial man of character to welcome into my life for a relationship, he admitted that he wasn't looking for anything long term, just someone fun to be with and keep the bed sheets warm. Tim* admitted that he'd moved to California and now that he was back, was tired of the bar scene and didn't have time to date but remembered what a great time he and I had. Further investigation yielded that although Tim remembered that I was looking for a relationship, he had hoped that I had changed my mind and wouldn't mind going out with him anyways? Oh and yes, he did recall having a great time dating me the whole 2 dates we went out on, he couldn't remember what I looked like and could I send him a photo to refresh his memory? Again, poetic and classy.

So what is the take away from all this? First of all, don't ever underestimate the power of loneliness, it will be the reason why your ex's hang onto your phone or email address years after you've moved on from them. They will try to creep back into your life, do not let them!  They are ex's for a reason and if you need a reminder, write down those reasons somewhere handy so when they slither back in with smooth talk, you'll remember why and drop them faster than 3rd period French class! Secondly, its wonderful to know that when I'm going out with bad habits, and yes this will sound extremely shallow but I'll admit flattering, to know they remember the good times they had with me. This just further boosts my ego that I may be shallow, but super awesome lol (totally kidding, sort of).  Thirdly, the holidays will usually stir up those old feelings of lust and lust can sometimes be disguised as love and desire, do not mix the two up! Lust takes its directives from below the belt, love takes its directives from above the belt. You need to choose who you spend your time with, a habit that is worth your time or a bad habit that hits below the belt?  Last, its the holidays, if you have a single friend, do them a favor, just invite them over for a drink or a home cooked meal. Let them tell you about the woes of being single so they can get it off their chest and then reassure them not that they will find someone one day but that they are so much better off without their bad habits in their life. Sometimes, that is the best gift to be thankful for all year long if it means you're happy, and you don't have bad habits hanging around, making you miserable. You know that kiss on New Years Eve won't be as sweet when you touch the lips of a bad habit!

My wish for each of you, stay happy, stay healthy and stay safe! May 2015 be as incredible for you as all the wonderful gifts life can bring and may you find a slice of joy to carve out for your very own as you know, single or taken, you deserve all that life has to offer! Cheers to a Happy New Year!  Until next time....

Optimistically Yours, a Hopeful Girl

Cheers to you and yours!

PS: Please be safe this holiday! You can't read the next installment if you're laying in a ditch somewhere and trust me, its a good one! Some great reminders for New Years Eve: 

* Get a designated driver or be the DD yourself! 

* Uber, taxi or even your mom can drive you as long as you're not drinking and behind the wheel, whatever it takes right? 

* Sleep on the sofa of your friend's house (but offer to make breakfast as a thank you the next morning). 

* Intoxication loses its luster the minute you turn green--don't be "that girl" or "that guy" that turns green all over the hor's devours.

* If you didn't pour it, don't drink it, never know what hypnotic goodies someone could slip you. 

* Fireworks and stupidity do not mix. Have a responsible adult handling the pyrotechnics or you might earn yourself a trip to the ER and a great story on how you lost a finger. 

* Commonsense, above all, the best safety tip. If your gut says "not a great idea" listen to it. Don't hurt its feelings by ignoring it--could mean the difference between a great night and a miserable, bad habit kinda night.  Happy New Years Campers!